Thank You, Milton Street

Who knew that one man’s two-word sentence — “I’m in!” — could lead to so much immediate hilarity. But when those words come out of the mouth of Milton Street, then they lead to historic levels of said hilarity.

And now a post on the Inquirer’s mayoral race blog that recaps what Street said at the McDonald’s he went to after announcing his candidacy.

Let’s charticle it.

• The only member of his campaign team is his 40-year-old son, Milton Junior.
• Will he do any fundraising? “I don’t need television. I’m going to get all the publicity I need confronting all the other earthlings running.”
• How does he feel about the reaction to his candidacy? “What I’m doing is not popular. They’re going to say, ‘Here comes crazy Milton!’”
• Here’s how he feels about his opponents:
  • Bob Brady: “Doesn’t have the brainpower to be mayor. You know it and I know it. He is a good old guy who was a carpenter on the street.”
  • Michael Nutter: “Michael who?” The post then says Milton used a “racial slur” to refer to Nutter. I don’t know if this was Watermelon Man or what.
  • Chaka Fattah: “He’s okay.” Hmmm.
  • Dwight Evans: “I don’t see why Rep. Evans is running when he could be Speaker of the House. He’s in line to be Speaker, the Speaker moves the legislation. So what kind of deal was cut? You have a black problem and you make a deal to have a white Republican Speaker of the House?… It’s time that black people take care of black people.”
• Street wouldn’t add new police officers, but he would: “I’d organize all the men in the community, and I’d get my police commissioner and deputize them, you know like they do in Texas. Give them arrest power and walkie talkies, and then they’d be working for free.”
• To further add to the hilarity, a Philebrity’s post on the subject has sparked a can’t-turn-away 20+ comment debate about whether his headline — “Milton Street On The Class Of ‘07: All Y’All Are House Ni**ers! Some Of You Might Be Dumb, Too!” — and the site in general are racist. Money quote: “Chris Rock can write a headline like the one above, but you guys can’t. PERIOD.”

I’m about to say this can’t get any better, but every time I think that, something else wacky happens in the race. For example, back in November, I joked Milton Street should make a mayoral run. And now it’s actually happening!

Truly, God has rewarded Philadelphia for its troubles — gun violence, no sports title since 1983, no plows — by giving its citizens the greatest election of all time.

Inside Milton’s World [Mayorpalooza]
Milton Street On The Class Of ‘07: All Y’All Are House Ni**ers! Some Of You Might Be Dumb, Too! [Philebrity]
Nov. 28: Richardson Dilworth To Make Mayoral Bid