City Republican Party Finally Finds Person Who’s Okay With Getting 35 Percent Of The Vote

Oh happy day! After months and months and months of not having a candidate, the city’s Republican Party has finally settled on a nominee for the fake election in November. (The real one is in May or something.)

And that nominee: Al Taubenberger, head of the Greater Northeast Philadelphia Chamber of Commerce and letter writer to both the Northeast Times and News Gleaner. (One campaign platform has been set forth by that letter: He’s against boys playing on girls’ teams.)

So what will Taubenberger do to try to get the 35 percent or so of the vote he’ll get in the general election? Eff if I know. More importantly: Will have have a campaign Myspace? Everyone knows you can’t be a candidate for election without a Myspace page. Who doesn’t want to be e-pals with Al Taubenberger?

If you’re wondering about my personal stance on Taubenberger, it is this: I don’t know anything about him, I don’t know if he’d make a good mayor, I don’t even know what the Greater Northeast Philadelphia Chamber of Commerce does. But he is running for mayor and he is making me write out his long name for the next nine months, and that’s simply unacceptable. Street, Fumo, Johnny Doc, Goode: We like our politicians with short names. You better just change your name to just “Al.”

Philadelphia GOP Names Taubenberger for Mayor’s Race [KYW 1060]
Nov. 3, 2005 (!): The dangers of not reading the competition