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If you’re like me, you’ve probably been following the Barbaro messageboard on the Tim Wooley Racing website incessantly for the past eight months, breathlessly refreshing every fifteen minutes or so in order to get the latest updates on America’s Favorite Horse™.
But the Barbaro messageboard is a confusing place no doubt, and newcomers may be a bit daunted at first. Fortunately, like most things, different cliques and factions have developed on the Barbaro messageboard, making it easier to sort through the clutter. While everyone there professes to be a FOB — that’s a “Fan/Friend of Barbaro,” natch — there are different interpretations of the life of Barbaro. (It’s kind of like early Christianity.) There are several groups, easily identifiable once you know the categories. For this exercise, we’ll just be using the people who comment on the Barbaro updates on Tim Woolley Racing. For purposes of this discussion, that’s the “Barbaro messageboard.” Posters can be in more than one group.
After the jump, a detailed look at the different factions on the Barbaro messageboard.
• Anthropomorphic Barbaroites: These posters believe in a Barbaro that can not only read letters on an Internet messageboard, but also that he can read them from beyond the grave. Also called Mr. Edsters, these posters usually write up extended letters addressed directly to Barbaro, thanking him for everything he taught them and telling him to stay strong.
Example:
Dear Barbaro:
There are so many tears flowing today from all of your FOB’s. We have to remember that even though we are sad, you are free from pain, beautiful and perfect as you should be. There are no more casts, bandages, or special shoes. God and Dr R have finally healed you completely.
I watched the news conference about you today. Everyone (Mom, Dad and Dr R) were so sad when they talked about saying Good Bye to you today. We’re all so glad they had some time to say their special goodbyes. You know they love you very much.
Your FOB’s and BarbaroManiacs are also sad today. But, you taught us all how to live life to the fullest (enjoy treats and special friends) and face adversity head on. We won’t let you down. When we can pick ourselves up tomorrow or the next day, we will join together to further track safety and end horse slaughter in honor of your name and undying spirit.
• Poet Laureates: These posters will write something about Barbaro, but also include an “inspirational” or similar poem. The poems posted range from the classics (W.H. Auden) to the religious (Prayer of Saint Francis, passages from Lamentations) to the horse-related (a poem about Secretariat) to the homemade poems for Barbaro.
Example:
Prayer of St. Francis,
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
• People With The Last Name Barbaro: These people have the last name Barbaro. They may also fall into other categories.
Example (this person is also a Poet Laureate):
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
I am BARBARO…
Be Free Brave Colt…Be Free…
Native American Prayer
Posted by: Laurie A. Barbaro at January 29, 2007 10:50 PM
• Long Timers, First Timers: These are people who claim to have been visiting the Barbaro messageboard since he was injured in the Preakness in May, but are just posting now, after his death. They are pejoratively called Unbelievers by some, since they did not register their love of Barbaro on the site until after he was dead.
Example:
This is the first time I have posted as well, but I have been a frequent visitor since May.
My heart goes out to the Jacksons, the entire medical staff, and all fans of Barbaro around the world! Our hearts are heavy right now as we have say goodbye to this champion who stole our hearts and united us.
May Barbaro’s spirit and heart live on in the continued progress of his causes.
Here is an excerpt of Fare Thee Well by Indigo Girls:
[Snip. You can thank me later. —ed.]
• Blarbaro Blovers: These are black people that like Barbaro. (And here is the referent.)
• Barbaro’s Lawyers: These people are heartbroken over the loss of Barbaro but are attempting to put their grief to affect change in the world. The main cause is the anti-horse slaughter bill (HR 857), but other causes — safer synthetic tracks, possibly a ban on racing 2-year-old horses, reform animal cruelty laws, etc. — can come up as well. The main push is to rename the anti-horse slaughter bill “Barbaro’s Law.”
Example:
I do not post very much…I feel heartsick. I can only imagine how the Jacksons and caregivers feel about this.
This will make me struggle even harder to end horse slaughter in this country. The Bill can be named after our equine hero “Barbaro” who fought his injuries with everything he had. What an inspiration!
• Children of Barbaro: These people believe Barbaro was put here on this earth “for a reason.” Some go even far enough to say he’s a prophet from Jesus himself, or he is a human being — or an “old soul” — reincarnated in a horse’s body. There has been little talk of Barbaro rising on the third day, but wait until tomorrow.
Example:
I do think that on some level Barbaro did know, in his animal way, what he was about. I think he is an old soul who came here for a reason to help other animals especially horses. He did his job and now he’s off to other matters. An evolved soul in a horse’s body. We responded to that, we “got” it, that this wasn’t just a horse. We joined him in his mission, now he’s gone and we can carry it through to finality.
• Stage One and Twoers: These Barbaro fans are still in denial over Barbaro’s death. They may also be very angry. They are named after the first two stages (denial and anger) of the Kübler-Ross Model of how people react after hearing devastating news. As it is only short time after Barbaro’s death, it is almost certain this faction will dissolve in a short time.
Example:
I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to do. From the moment I saw the MSNBC Breaking News, I just started screaming NO, NO, NO, NO. That’s all I could get out of my mouth, and I haven’t stopped sobbing since then.
• Edenites: Edenites are a group that believes Barbaro is in heaven. They may also believe that they will meet Barbaro one day in the afterlife.
Example:
Barbaro, YOU ARE STILL SIMPLY THE BEST. So many lives were touched by your spirit. It is hard to let you go but I know you are in a better place where there is no discomfort and you can run to your heart’s content. Enjoy Heaven Barbaro. Bells are ringing…this angel found his wings.
• Barbaro Agnostics: The antithesis to the Edenites. Barbaro’s death has shaken this group to the core and they profess to no longer believe in God due to the death of Barbaro. These people may also be Stage One and Twoers and may move on to other stages as time passes.
Example:
When stuff like this happens I blame God. Look at all the prayers that we sent to God to heal Barbaro so he could live a long happy life. When he died today a part of me died with him. That is why I felt and sort of still do that God let me down… Why pray when he doesn’t listen? I am glad that Barbaro is not in pain and I am not mad at anyone. I feel for all of them and I know there are a lot of tears in this world today. Where the heck is God now? That is my question………
• Addicts: These people have turned to drugs after Barbaro’s death.
Example:
I really never looked at it that way but you may be right. It may have been Barbaro that asked God to take him to heaven to be with Slew and Secretariat and SeaBiscuit and all the rest. I really lost it… I took some Valium and I am calmer now but the down side of this is, I am working with a doctor to get off of Valium and I have been weaning for 5 months. Now this!!!!! I just had to take enough to stay calm.
• Anti-Deanyboppers: This faction expresses hatred for Dr. Dean Richardson. They either believe that Richardson did not try hard enough to save the horse — or that he made mistakes — or that the horse should have been killed right away and keeping him alive was inhumane. Although other members of the Barbaro team may be smote as well by the Anti-Deanyboppers, the majority of the ire heads toward Dr. Richardson, who they believe is an attention whore.
Don’t bless anyone in this situation except for the horse, he was the victim of blinding plublicity, I know first hand the situations involved and I can tell you it was about fame and fortune on all parts. I blame Mike Matz first as he knew better of the situation and the cruel fact is this, BArbaro would’ve been better of if he was euthanized at the track instead of going through all of this to just be disappointed. this whole thing was to comfort people not the horse. Don’t get me wrong , all the people at new bolton are wonderful and they love animals, especially the bond his caretakers have with him, but as for Dr. dean, his real thing here was he wanted to be the one to have saved him, no matter what the cost to anyone, not taking into acount the horse. He is very slick and smart and knows how to go about talking to horse people, “oh well stop when he wants us to,” I know he (barbaro) wanted this for a long time now. I hope you are satisfied with your fame here cause it’ll only last another press conference.
• People Who Write Fan Fiction About Barbaro’s Death: There’s only one person in this group, but she deserves her own entry. Harriette Brillianthawk, from Lexington, wrote fan fiction about Barbaro’s death.
Barbaro was having another bad day, he hadn’t slept well. Even with the pain medicine he still hurt. His legs hurt, all of them, his back hooves hurt. He hurt all over and he was tired. He loved all the people here at NBC, especially Dr Richardson, but he was tired of these four walls, he wanted to go outside and feel the warm sun again. He loved his mom more than anyone, she knew him better than anyone, and bless her heart, she always had the blue tote with the fresh Lael grass. Lately, he didn’t even much feel like eating, but he did to please her, He always tried to put on a show of feeling good for mom, even trying to nip her occasionally to make her smile. He loved to see mom smile. But still, the truth was he hurt and he wanted Dr Richardson to make him well, once and for all.
When Dr Richardson came that morning, he had his “procedure” face on. Here we go again, Barbaro thought. Another surgery, I’ll wake up in the swimming pool. I sure hope Dr R has the cure for me this time.
When Barbaro started waking up, he felt something tickling his nose and when he tried to open his eyes there was a light so bright it almost blinded him. The light felt wonderful, it was so warm, and it was hard to describe, the light felt like love. It surrounded him and felt so good, like all the hugs his mom had ever given him. When his eyes adjusted to the light more things became aware to Barbaro.
He wasn’t in a pool ,he was in a field of clover and buttercups and the tickle on his nose was a butterfly!He also noticed he felt no pain, his crooked legs were straight again ,his hooves were well ! Dr R had done it, he remembered now the last thing DrR had said….Barbaro when you wake up you’ll be good as new! The Light he felt, he now knew was GOD himself, the Creator of all life.
God himself welcomed him to Rainbow Bridge. He explained to Barbaro it is here that all animals wait for their human keepers So they can cross the bridge to Heaven together.
Barbaro had never seen so many horses, dogs, cats, animals and birds of every kind, large and small. Everyone got along, no one was sick and all made him feel loved and at home.
A couple of the horse who greeted him were there by special permission from God, they had already crossed over the Bridge but wanted to welcome Barbaro. Barbaro knew of the legendary stores of Man O War, Seabiscuit and War Admiral, here they were to say hello. There were also a couple donkeys that came to greet him. One once carried pregnant Mary into Bethlehem, the other one had carried Jesus in to Jerusalem.
Barbaro was so happy to be here. He thought this has to be the greatest place in all the world . He spent the afternoon racing Secretariat to the fence and eating clover with Lost in the Fog. Yes, he was very busy his first day at the bridge, he even learned he could FLY!! He always knew he could run fast, now he’d become a horse angel and he could fly!! He could look down on Earth and see all the people who loved him. He could finally put names and faces together. All the FOB that had faithfully loved and prayed for him, sent him cards and letters , baskets of flowers, apples and carrots, pears and those green mints he loved.
He was happy but they all looked sad. He wanted to yell to them, “Hay, it’s me, Barbaro,I’m well. Your prayers have been answered. Don’t be sad.”
• Barbaro Himself: One person, Cheryl Jones, writes in the voice of Barbaro. Many posters are very happy with her writing as Barbaro. Jones assumes that although the horse has acquired a human brain and the ability to think and talk, his lack of opposable thumbs make it rather hard for him to type. He also doesn’t have spellcheck.
Example (this elicited several responses saying it made people cry):
hay its me im in hevvin now its beyoooooooooootiful i can seee yuo lissen for me ill see yuo agin love eech uthur be nise to eech uthur save horsssesss say prayers thankyew for lovin me so much
love bArbaro
Well, there you go. A complete field guide to Barbaro messageboard posters. I hope this has helped shed some light on the situation.
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This is completely and utterly retarded.
your momma
“Blarbaro Blovers”
brilliant.
How awful. Obviously you have never felt any feeling for animals and people who care for them.
You are completely wrong about the site, but you got some attention here, and that was your entire point. It’s probably your entire reason for being.
Your mother must be so proud of you right now.
Enjoy your 15 minutes. No one will remember your name or this column, and you are clearly destined to bounce from job to job. But Barbaro will be remembered forever.
I think this might be as close to genius that you have ever posted. On the other hand: look at the material.
This is the funniest thing I ever read!! I did cry when I heard about Barbaro and I have sent msgs to the vet center, so I’m guilty of some of this too…but this is just HYSTERICAL! Thank you for cheering me up!! I’m printing it out so I can read it again when I get home and have a real belly laugh!! (hope I don’t drop my saddle).
WELL DONE!
All this for a fucking horse
Smarty Jones II, we hardly knew ye.
Fantastic.
Wait, are DMW and Susan E. serious? I laugh at them. I picture their fridge’s covered with especially touching Family Circus cartoons (maybe some where Grampa is looking down from heaven). It was a horse. He died. Worse tragedies occur everyday (um, we are at fucking war here people). If you really are that broken up over a fucking dead horse, get therapy. Or do what I do, draw pictures of Barbaro jumping through the pearly gates. I feel better now.
To note: No word on what my mom thinks, but my dad emailed me to say it was hilarious.
Oh sweety, don’t listen to what that Susan E. says. She’s just jealous of how handsome you are!
What kind of person couldn’t love my widdle snookums?
Gosh this is controvesial. I let fly with my opinion yesterday and was called a (douchbag) note the spelling!
Barbaro was a wonderful, gallant horse who did not deserve to suffer and linger in agony for the last 8 months.Especially to stroke the ego of a mad scientist.
Gosh this is controvesial. I let fly with my opinion yesterday and was called a (douchbag) note the spelling!
Barbaro was a wonderful, gallant horse who did not deserve to suffer and linger in agony for the last 8 months.Especially to stroke the ego of a mad scientist.
if you had any heartfelt feelings about Barbaro, go over to Youtube and type in Barbaro-run for the roses. if you didn’t have any feelings, you’re apparently a heartless, lonely person.
HAayyyy… That was honestly one of the greatest things I have ever read.
how quickly would this horse been put down if his stud fee wasn’t expected to be $200,000… and I’m not making that figure up, that’s what derby winners get..
haaay its meee bArbaro in horse hevven all yuo peepil aer reelly annyoning stop sneding me apples i HATE fucKing aplpes
lOve
bArbaro
Put me in the “I think this is hysterical” category.
Also, put me in the (yes, I realize I’m creating the following category myself right now) “I wonder how many poor and/or homeless people starved to death while all these people sit and write letters to a dead horse” category.
Stay gold, Barbaro, stay gold.
I know it’s evil and wrong, but it is DAMN funny. There is no expiration date, people. Y’all could keep this going for YEARS.
hahahahah these people WORSHIP barbaro
Would you have written this if Barbaro was Mexican or Black? I don’t think so you racist pervert. I hope your mother is proud of your ignorant snide comments. That “HORSE” was a PERSON who SAVED LIVES! You don’t even care do you?
He was one of motown’s greatest stars and one of the original 3 stooges. Once, he hit .427 in a season leading his St. Louis Cardinals to their third straight pennant. He raised Lazarus, and then Jesus. He slept with your mom 9 months before you were born. He, along with Al Gore, invented the internet and built the great wall of china from the extra parts he didn’t use at Stone Henge. He enslaved the Jews, then freed them, only to be single-handedly responsible for the holocaust years later. He won the Daytona 500 in the same year he won the LPGA tournamant of champions. He laid a golden egg from which all the world’s currency is derived. Athena sprung from his head. He placed the rings around Saturn and his urine created the rain forest. Have I not emphasized enough the torture he has put the jews through? He has had an on-going feud with Rosie O’Donnell and once bit the head off a dove in concert. He also one time ran a horse race, winning it along with the hearts and sanity of millions of lower-middle class idiots who are so easily swayed by the media and any news story that takes their minds off their horse-shit of a life, that they create idols, poetry and mourn a horse that won a race.
YOU ASSHOLE I CAN”ZT WAIT UNTL YOU BRUN IN HELL
Barbaro raped me.
Barbaro will be forgotten by this time next year. probably less. its tragic that hes dead but this happens often, its not going to stop. channel your emotion into something more productive than grienf.
The one category missing is writers of Barbaro/Jesus “slash,” e.g.:
“Mmm, you’ve had a hard, hard few months of it,” said the Son of Man,a bulge growing beneath his satin robes, “but it’s all going to be better here in Heaven.”
Barbaro whinnied and stomped, not knowing quite what to make of the radiant figure before him.
“Don’t worry, Barbaro,” whispered the Lord, “I know it’s your first time. I’ll be gentle.”
Barbaro calmed a little, and gave Christ with an experiemental nuzzle that sent a shiver through the Annointed One like an electric shock.
“They wanted to keep you on Earth to breed,” said Jesus, “but I called you home because I have a different plan for your stud services.” The
Saviour stroked Barbaro’s forelock, and at the same time dropped his robe in one smooth motion. Barbaro’s eyes darted between the spear wound on Jesus’s side and the throbbing god-cock lower down.
“It’s big, isn’t it?” said Jesus, “but still nothing compared to your horseflesh.”
(Etc. Etc.)
So, has anyone thought of the marketing potential from his death such as super Barbaro glue? It would be so “fast”-drying, you’d lose “track” of time! Anyone, anyone? Buehler?
If you were going to post about the poetry, why not at least use one of the more typical and glaringly bad tribute poems?
I mean, the prayer of St. Francis is freaking award winning brilliance compared to this sort of thing:
First Saturday in May, a charge fills the air,
In Kentucky they gather, a most splendid affair.
The Run for the Roses, mere hours away,
As twenty colts vie to be champion this day.
Some colts seem anxious, aware of the task,
Some balk and some bray, while some seem to bask.
But asleep in his paddock, a champion sublime,
The unconcerned Barbaro, enjoys some peacetime.
As post time draws near, and the horses are saddled,
The once sleeping Barbaro, appears to be rattled.
He starts to act up, his groom works to console,
In a moment the horse is brought under control.
The Post Parade finished, they load at the gate,
The unbeaten Barbaro wears number eight.
With seven to left, and eleven to right,
The start gates crash open, twenty youngsters take flight.
The front stretch is blazed in the blink of an eye,
One-hundred thousand faithful watch them rush by.
The field rounds the turn, down the backstretch they bound,
Halfway to the roses, halfway to the Crown!
Five furlongs cleared, and the noise starts to churn,
Moving faster and faster into the far turn.
The crowd starts to rise like a wave on the sea,
Which colt will move up, which one will it be?
Around the last turn and they charge into sight,
One horse pulls ahead, and seems up to the fight.
A thundering bay is now leading the field,
Digging in like a steam shovel, a champion revealed!
His rider has no need to go to the whip,
This magical colt has run his perfect trip.
The others are fading, as if they all know,
Today there’s no way they can catch Barbaro!
The bay locomotive explodes to the line,
The next best has slipped seven full lengths behind!
A deafening roar now erupts from the fans,
Who all sense the magic they’ve watched from the stands.
A Derby performance unseen sixty years,
Has rekindled dreams that bring many to tears.
Twenty-eight years since the crown has been worn,
Twenty-eight years of dreams tattered and torn.
Nineteen brave contenders have given their all,
And nineteen contenders have taken a fall,
But now there is one for whom destiny waits,
In a blanket of roses, it’s Barbaro the Great!
For weeks people speak of him breaking the drought,
His romp to the roses leaves little to doubt.
The shadow of Slew, of Big Red and Affirmed,
Will finally give way to perfection confirmed.
The Pimilico track is awash in the glow,
In the paddock sits larger-than-life Barbaro.
The undercard races tick down like a clock,
As the Preakness approaches the faithful take stock.
He’s led from the paddock and joins the parade,
As thousands anticipate history made.
The gates are all loaded and all that remains,
Is a mile and sixteenth, and a seventh field tamed.
With millions now watching, a cruel twist of fate,
A single bay colt breaks alone from the gate.
An audible gasp echoes over the track,
As his rider fights hard just to hold the horse back.
To the amazement of all, the fortunes have changed,
For the great Champion Barbaro, and his fate prearranged.
He’s led back around, and again loads the gate,
Can this champion regroup from a tragic mistake?
The gates are flung opened, they bolt down the track,
Barbaro breaks cleanly, and he’s running mid-pack!
There’s hope after all for this champion renowned,
To reel them all in before shutting them down!
But another groan rings out, with cries of despair,
Barbaro has pulled up, and dread fills the air.
With his right hind leg shattered, he struggles to run,
The pack draws away quickly, the dream is undone.
Six races finished, and six races won,
His only defeat, in a race never run.
But now a new challenge, a new field of strife,
Confronts this bold champion: a race for his life.
With the prayers of the faithful, and the odds stacked against,
His crestfallen owners spare no expense.
For his chance to survive this disastrous blow,
The New Bolton doctors do all that they know.
For eight months he battles through every travail,
As millions hold hope that he’ll somehow prevail.
This horse with no rival upon the racetrack,
Continues to carry such hope on his back!
But every great champion faces the day,
When no more contenders stand in their way.
When no more mountains, exist for to move,
When finally, at last, there is nothing to prove.
With all of his races on earth finally done,
This bold, gallant hero continues to run.
With Big Red, Slew and Affirmed by his side,
His legacy: Hope! Barbaro did provide.
I mean really. Just because you can rhyme, doesn’t mean you should.
Hi, long time reader, long time poster. Thanks for taking my call.
I just wanted to say I was disappointed to see Barbaro would not be joining Joe Theismann in the booth next season.
Info about all!
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Here is your life…
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I was happy to find it for u!
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