A Tiger In The Sack

That little furball of cuteness at right most certainly would bring in the crowds to a zoo. And, as such, the Philadelphia Zoo is attempting to create its own little giant-pawed ‘aww’ machine to bring in the crowds. (Maybe not the same tiger species as the one in the photo, but here’s the deal: I don’t care.)

Okay, so the zoo isn’t mating its tigers for monetary reasons. But the zoo did attempt to mate two of its Amur tigers earlier this week. The species is down to just about 400 in the wild and 144 in captivity, but mating the tigers is dangerous, since, instead of having sex, the two could end up attacking each other. The male, Dimitri, could kill the female, Kira, in just about two minutes.

But we all got a treat: The Inquirer was there to document the hot tiger sex.

The result is, basically, tiger porn.

Seriously. The article’s erotic non-fiction. (I’ve long been a proponent of more erotic works in mainstream publications in this town, but I’d prefer human over tiger.) Thankfully, the erotic non-fiction is much better than Barbaro erotic fiction. Then again, the Barbaro erotic fan fiction made me want to gouge my eyes out, so that’s not so much of a fair comparison.

The zoo wasn’t originally going to breed Dimitri, but then a bunch of his relatives died and the zoo realized there are only 400 of these things left so they better do something. “So they get the magic ring,” said the coordinator of the species-survival plan, so I guess the two tigers had to get married first. (Well, what else could it be? It’s certainly not an IUD.)

Anyway, on to some porn. Inquirer writer Sandy Bauers details the scene:

Kira lay down and moved her tail to the side. Dmitri mounted from behind, held her neck in his jaws and thrust.

In moments, it was over.

Throughout the next hour, they bred repeatedly, said Ronemus, one of only three people allowed to watch, for fear of agitating the animals and inciting aggression.

But then, Kira began to roar and slapped at Dmitri, backing him into a corner. The staff yelled to distract her.

Finally, after seven attempts at mating, four of them successful, the two tigers lay in separate areas, panting, exhausted.

And if you think that’s good, the article also contains this quote: “He was hoovering everything.”

Zoo’s bid for a tiger cub unfolds, carefully [Inquirer]
Photo by ReBuzz
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