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Reason #27 To Love Philadelphia: Stephen A. Smith
Merry Christmas! I hope youse had a nice Christmas (or other December holiday) and Santa (or other annual gift bringer) gave you everything you wanted. But, really, the present that all Philadelphians — nay, all English-speaking humans — should appreciate most came from Stephen A. Smith in his Christmas Eve column about the Duke rape case. As you may know, rape charges were recently dropped in the case, even though everybody thought those stupid white kids were guilty when the news first broke. Stephen A. is not really a beloved writer/ESPN host/whatever in this town, but regardless of one’s opinion of him, he made his career in journalism worthwhile with his column on Christmas Eve. Not only was it a half-decent column with a point made well, it also contained perhaps the greatest clause ever printed in a newspaper:
Penetrated vaginally with penises. Stephen A. has found a way to unintentionally make a funny description involving gang rape. (Or, in this case, not gang rape.) Hey, he may write some stupid stuff sometimes — uh, when he writes — but he also wrote “penetrated vaginally with penises.” Thanks, Stephen A. Stephen A. Smith | Injustice has spoken in the Duke lacrosse case [Inquirer] |
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Don’t forget that he ended the “Penises and Vaginas” column (that also included a rather long indictment of his own race) with this classic ender…
Merry Christmas!
Can reason #27a be “Stephen A. Smith’s non-sentences”?
“Specifically from those who claim to be leaders in our community.”
“By every one of us.”
And then there’s the absolute best–the compound non-sentence that forms a “paragraph”: “Not so much for presuming their guilt before all the evidence came in. Mainly for using it to promote a black cause without giving a damn.”