76ers To Win NBA Title, And Other Obvious Conclusions

ESPN.com’s Chris Sheridan spends actual words — seven-hundred and twenty-six of them! — today writing about the possibility that the 76ers, flush with “talent” now that Joe Smith and Andre Miller are on the team, could end up playing themselves out of the lottery.

It works like this: If the 76ers’ pick is in the top 15, they keep it. If it falls out of the top 15, the pick goes to the Golden State Warriors. It’s all part of a July 2003 trade involving the Sixers, Knicks, Timberwolves and Warriors.

If you’re scratching your head, join the club. The 76ers are currently 5-18 and last in the Atlantic Division, the worst division in basketball. Sheridan writes that the 76ers only have to go 36-23 over the rest of the season to reach .500.

Here are other likely scenarios for our local sporting teams as we travel into the next year:

• After squeaking into the playoffs with a shocking turnaround, the 76ers will give out free tickets to inner-city children for the first playoff series, filling the place with 20k disadvantaged kids and zero people in suits. The 76ers are so inspired they go on to win the NBA title.
• The Flyers will not lose in regulation for 35 consecutive games, somehow still will miss playoffs.
• Pat Burrell will not have sex during next year’s baseball season.
• Pat Burrell will play well during next year’s baseball season.
• After Ryan Howard’s 18th homer of the year, he will circle the bases backwards while shouting “I CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REGULAR AND DIET DR. PEPPER!” When he reaches home plate, he’ll spin three times and eat the heart of a frog.
• Temple coach Fran Dunphy’s mustache will become sentient.
• Drexel coach Bruiser Flint will coach the rest of the season naked.
• Bill Conlin will spontaneously combust.
• After falling below .500 for the first time all year, the Eagles will win three straight led by a balding, 36-year-old white dude engaged to a former Playboy Playmate of the Year.

Hmm, better hold out on that last one, it seems pretty unlikely.

Trade analysis: Sixers could lose first-round draft pick [ESPN.com]