Raj Locks Up Elephant, Mariachi Band Vote

It’s going to take a lot for 13th Congressional District longshot/ex-Apprentice contestant Raj Bhakta to knock off incumbent Democratic Rep. Allyson Schwartz in November’s election. He needs something big. Something memorable. (Or he needs Schwartz to be found in bed with Mark Foley’s severed head.)

Since Schwartz is rather unlikely to murder anyone anytime soon, Bhakta turned to the next logical way to get attention: Hiring a six-piece mariachi band and three circus elephants to stand near the U.S.-Mexican border.

Bhakta thinks our borders aren’t secure enough and, if we don’t secure them, mariachi bands and elephants will be able to come freely into America and steal jobs from hard-working American mariachi bands and elephants.

He didn’t have any of these men or elephants cross the border, of course, but he says nobody was there and so they could have easily snuck in. But, uh, why elephants. Okay, yeah, Raj is a Republican, but does he think it’s Republicans who are sneaking across the border? Wouldn’t he be for that? Will our country one day be overrun by illegal immigrant Republican mariachi bands who will spend their time playing patriotic ditties while dismantling social security?

Only time will tell.

Making a pachyderm point [Doylestown Intelligencer]