The Phillies Need Your Pelvis!

The Dodgers — who are a game ahead of the Phils in the Wild Card chase, thanks to the local nine’s bullpen — are currently beating up on the Rockies, 8-3. (Wait! Now they’re ahead, 10-8! Gooooo Colorado!)

That means: A Phillies loss tonight means they’re most likely SOL for the Wild Card.

The Fightins need your support! Keep that Rally Pelvis shaking — for those of you who don’t want to see the gyrating hips of the Phanatic, there’s a new logo on this post — and root, root, root for the Phils in tonight’s game against the Nationals.

Power to the pelvis!

Update: For you Pelvismaniacs who can’t go without the original, gyrating logo, it’s after the jump (and, don’t worry, it’ll be back).

In progress: Rockies jump on Dodgers early [Beerleaguer]
Archives: Rally Pelvis

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Leftovers: Whale Watching

• A whale has washed up on the shores of Wildwood Crest, leaving the town’s current Autumn population of 15 shocked. [NBC 10]

• The dance-off for jobs at the Philly Park casino continues, with the applicants now comparing it to American Idol. This idea’s a little wacky, but I’m all for replacing getting signatures with dancing to “YMCA” as a way to get on the ballot. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Be sure to check out the New York Post’s top 10 reasons why TO would want to kill himself list! It has all the hilarity of a root canal performed without novocaine by a labrador retriever who’s also urinating on you. [Gawker]

• For you statheads (ok, for me personally), here’s a listing of the Eagles’ ranking in alternate football statistics from Football Outsiders. [Scrapple]

Southern Gentlemen Attack Car With Shovels

While driving down a highway last week, two men say they saw a man cut off a car filled with small children. But instead of chastising the driver while praising their own driving skills like normal people, these two men chased down the pickup truck and started hitting it with shovels.

But wait, there’s more! Jay Watson (of Knoxville, Tenn.) and Justin Emerson (of Paris, Texas) said what they did was justified because they’re southern gentlemen, and in their home states attacking people’s cars who may have cut off a car filled with children is chivalrous!

A witness said he didn’t see the Sierra cut off anyone, and the truck’s driver reported being unaware of having done so. Nonetheless, Watson and Emerson “felt the need to intervene,” the complaint said.

Intervene they did. (Editor’s Note: Best line in the article. HIlarious.)

The complaint said Watson, the driver, drove his utility truck over the median, sped against traffic and ran two red lights to keep up with the Sierra. The men reportedly claimed they were attempting to get the Sierra’s license plate number.

They caught up with the truck in the parking lot of National Auto. The victim said Emerson hopped out of the utility truck and began yelling obscenities, “kicking in” the Sierra’s driver’s side door and “banging” on his window. The frightened driver sped away.

But Watson and Emerson pursued him east on West Pumping Station Road, then onto California Road. The Sierra’s driver, who had no passengers, was trying to drive to the Richland Police Station, but a wrong turn led him onto American Drive, where Watson and Emerson cornered him on a cul-de-sac.

The pursued driver, at this point, “feared for his life,” said the complaint.

The complaint said Watson positioned his truck so as to block a clear path of escape for the Sierra. He and Emerson grabbed a pair of shovels and attacked the truck, smashing windows and “hitting the hood, bumper, driver’s door and driver’s side window,” the victim reported.

For their chivalrous actions, the two have been charged with reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct, conspiracy and mischief.

Still, who knew the penalty for messing with Texas (or Tennessee) was getting attacked with shovels. TMYK.

Southern chivalry or road rage? [Doylestown Intelligencer]

I Read Phillyblog So You Don’t Have To: Smoking Ban

With Mayor Street’s sudden enforcement of the smoking ban earlier this week, the Phillyblog forums predictably exploded in a cloud of nicotine, tar, tobacco and Surgeon General’s warnings. (Joe Camel, sadly, did not make it.)

For this week’s second installment of I Read Phillyblog So You Don’t Have To, it’s going to be an all smoking ban edition! (If you really enjoyed The Press Releases I Get In My Inbox — and, really, who didn’t enjoy that earth-shattering event — I just moved it to Friday, in honor of it being an info dump, and Friday not ever having anything going on.) After the jump, an attempt to parse just what PB is thinking about the smoking ban. (I didn’t even include the photos people were posting of George Burns, Einstein and FDR smoking to prove that smoking is great.) There’ll also be a non-smoking ban related Thread! Of! The! Week!

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NBC 10 Fan Blogger Does Much To Improve City’s Image

Week 1:

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Brent Estock and a die hard eagles fan. I have created and built a room at my house that is a tribute to Veterans Stadium. My room has a 400, 500 ,600 & of course a 700 level and we refer to this room as “THE BRENT”. Every Sunday we all gather to watch and cheer on our beloved birds.

Okay, bit much, but I dig it. (Although a 400 level? Wasn’t that the club level?) Let’s move on…

And Week 2:

Everyone was just sitting in disbelief after that disastrous fourth quarter. As Phil Harvey always said “And you know the rest of the story.” All out blitz against Manning and he just throws the ball up — Burress comes down with it and it tears my heart out. [...]

My head is still spinning, where is the Advil !!!!

I’m sure Paul “Phil” Harvey loves the reference.

And… Week 3:

I have to go back to a press conference with A.I. when he said PRACTICE, WE’RE TALKING PRACTICE !! I don’t care if B-WEST doesn’t practice the rest of the year, if he comes out on game day and plays the way he has these first three games. I will sit in there and say PRACTICE, WE’RE TALKIN PRACTICE !! [...]

Before I sign off I just want to give a shout out to women who brought over the great food we had today at THE BRENT to go along with the World Famous Turkey Bar B-Que .

Lets get ready for the Pack this week and go to 3 and 1

Here’s to you, Mr. Ultimate Philadelphia Sports Fan.

Eagles Fan Blogger: Weeks 1 & 2 [NBC 10]
Eagles Fan Blogger: Week 3 [NBC 10]
Paul Harvey [Wikipedia]

Bud Light Ad Reps Philly, Not Dogs

If you’ve ever listened to the radio, you may have heard Bud Light’s “Real Men Of Genius” ads. Like most beer ads attempting to be funny, they fall into the kinda-clever-maybe-sorta and where-the-hell-are-the-boobs-that-are-usually-in-these-beer-ads categories.

Well, now there’s one about Philadelphia sports fans:

Not bad, but with one problem: The dog show does come to town, guys. I’m not sure if we tailgate, but I’d sure like to.

Update, 2:28 p.m.: Changed the player since some of you were having problems with it. Sorry!

Also: Children Of Felons To Be Pulled Out Of School During Non-Violence Month

The backlash continues! Two days after the Daily News wrote about parents upset about October being declared “Gay & Lesbian History Month” on school calendars, the Inquirer picks up the ball and runs with it, finding even more parents who are upset at something printed on a school calendar. (NBC 10 also chimed in Tuesday with actual images of the calendar in question!)

The Inky reports that about 120 people have complained about a simple line on a calendar. Usually, the district only gets calls from unfunny oppressed middle class white people who ask why there’s a black history month but not a white male history month. (Ho ho!)

And one woman is going as far to protest a sentence on a calendar that she’s doing this:

An irate Senita Watson went to school district headquarters yesterday to find out how she could homeschool her daughter for the month of October. She won’t let her 7-year-old second grader attend Emlen School during that period, she said.

“How can you celebrate gay and lesbian month? What are you going to teach my daughter?” asked Watson, who said she was calling on other parents to boycott the district in October. “They need to have a nonviolence month, not a gay and lesbian month… Our children have enough to worry about with drugs.”

Indeed! It is a requirement of LGBT History Month that we all go around and do drugs and have sex with people of the same gender. Watson’s curriculum for her October homeschooling includes the following:

• Math (1 calendar + 1 gay month = 0 days of school in October for her daughter!)
• Nonviolence, except against gays
• English (except for Oscar Wilde, Gore Vidal, etc.)
• DARE

It should be an exciting month!

Gay history month sparks district debate [Inquirer]
Nod to Gay Month irks some parents [Daily News]
Images Of Controversial Gay History Calendar

Women’s TV Network Develops Greatest Show Ever

Michael Klein reports today in the Inquirer:

A 4-month-old puppy named Daisy, owned by Maggie Sweeney of Ambler, won last weekend’s local prelim for We TV’s new reality show, America’s Cutest Puppies. Dog and owner are bound for the final in L.A. in November.

I’m already setting my TiVo.

Photo by Kyle and/or Kelly Adams, licensed via Creative Commons

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

John Baer: The state legislature thinks we Philadelphians need 15 handguns a month.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Kids are being picked up for curfew violations. Oh happy day!

Pat Buchanan: I HATE MEXICANS!

Owens Trying Dr. Seuss Method Of Spin

Something tells me he’s still a little out of it.

Suicide Attempt? ‘Absurb,’ Says Terrell Owens [KYW 1060]