For Your Consideration: The Rally Pelvis

Well, clearly not talking about it didn’t work. So, let’s put it forth: It’s the final week of the baseball season. The Philles are somehow in the thick of the Wild Card chase.

And even after last night’s crushing defeat to the Astros — Charlie! Charlie! Why did you call for a bunt with Bourn on first! I don’t expect you to know that a run scores from first with no outs more often than from second with one out, and so sacrifice bunts are a pretty stupid play, but IT’S ESPECIALLY A BAD PLAY WITH LIEBY AT THE PLATE AND ABE NUÑEZ COMING UP! And Lieberthal, why didn’t you PULL BACK THE BUNT WHEN BOURN WAS PRETTY MUCH ALREADY AT SECOND AND !@(*&@)*&$ (*&%R()*@(&$*!! (Sorry. I’m done.) — the Phils are still tied for first in the Wild Card.

The Phillies face off against the train wreck that is the Washington Nationals (thanks, Brad) tonight for a three game series and then head to Florida for three. The Dodgers? They have three in Colorado and three in San Fran.

So, the Phillies still have a good shot. Even if you’re not a fan, it’s time to root, root, root for the home team and hope that the fans of this cursed ballclub can have a chance at seeing some baseball in October for the first time since 1993.

At last night’s game, as the Phillies failed to come through with a big hit after the bullpen blew yet another save, I realized just why: We don’t have a stupid rally gimmick. The Angels had the Rally Monkey, the Red Sox had “Cowboy Up” or some other stupid curse bullshit, the White Sox had the umps making a bad call and giving them a win. What do the Phillies have? Nothing, that’s what. I didn’t even have a hat to turn inside out last night.

And so, I — ok, my friend Ed, at a Phillies game about three years ago, was the one who came up with it — present to you a gimmick so stupid, so ridiculous, so perfect that it can’t help but put the Phillies over the hump and into the playoffs.

Any time the Phillies need a big hit, just start thrusting that pelvis. It’ll produce homers in no time.

Bull from the pen [Daily News]
Nationals’ chartered train derails in Delaware; no one injured [CBS Sportsline]
Yesterday: Last Week Of The Season: Don’t Talk About Something That Rhymes With ‘Mild Bard’