PWD Report: The Best Lunch Break Ever

In the tradition of blowing things up to ridiculous proportions for no apparent reason, today a Rocky and Adrian lookalike contest was held at LOVE Park.

Right: Awesome. While the hundreds of thousands slated to attend Friday’s statue unveiling weren’t there, there was a decent-sized crowd, several dignitaries from the local media (natch) and one dude from Florida.

While I wasn’t able to attend, official Philadelphia Will Do on-site reporter and D-Mac’s Quizzo partner Shannon McLaughlin was able to. (And now I owe her two beers.) Armed with only her wits and a Razr cell phone, she braved the sunny, 75-degree weather to find out: Just who is the best Rocky impersonator “officially” in the contest who showed up to LOVE Park today. (We would have had crappy quality video, but Verizon is the worst cell phone company in the world.)

She files her (hilarious, and better than anything I would have come up with) report after the jump.

Apparently, it’s been all over the radio and the Internet tubes that there was going to be a Rocky and Adrian lookalike contest at LOVE Park this afternoon. Working almost directly across the street, we decided to go and eat our lunch in the park and ogle the famewhores. (Well, “fame”whores, I guess.)

The first sign this was going to be totally awesome: A second after we were checking out the Rocky action figures on display, my colleague pointed to some benches by the fountain and said, “Oh look — those guys must be in the contest.” Indeed, they had the sweats, bandanas, and bo-bos. But given that we never saw them again, I can only assume their ensembles were less of an homage to The Rock, and more of an homage to out-of-style comfort.

Before the judging even began, we were treated to introductions of our “celebrity” judges. The emcee — some guy from 92.1 who had on more makeup than most women should wear — referred to this esteemed crew as “dignitaries” more than once. They were: Beasley Reece (who was wearing a Rocky-style hat); Tom Lamaine; Stan Hochman; David Aldrich (who seemed so eager and adorable — and was also the only guy not wearing at least a button-down, so I loved him all the more); and Vince DeMentri (who seems VERY old and very oily, and who was on his cell phone half the time). They did the requisite bit about Philly Loves Rocky week, talking about the unveiling at the Art Museum tomorow, and the Parkway showing of the movie, and talked up the Thrill Show — a revival from the 50s and 60s — which benefits children whose parents have died in the line of duty as fire or policemen/women. Then “Mr. Saturday Night” Bob Pantano was introduced, and things got underway.

The Adrians were paraded past the judges first, and — as if it really were in 1976 again — were treated to a lot of “hey honey, what’s under the parka” type stuff. Clearly second-fiddle to the Rockys, the ladies were quizzed on their movie knowledge (Q: What did Rocky name his turtles? A: Cuff and Link), and made to re-enact certain scenes. One Adrian claimed to have watched the film 40 times, which no one really believed. Another dame flubbed the famous “you can’t win!” line by screeching “you can win!”

The Rockys came out, each with his own brand of I’ve-just-had-a-stroke-in-the-middle-of-the-Italian-Market accent. The clear crowd favorite was Joey from South Philly, who razzed Beasley about his hat and took a few shots at Hochman, asking if he was going to beat him up in the papers that day. Surprisingly, the Rocky who hailed from Virginia was not the most far-flung contestant. He was trumped by some dude from Edgewater, Fla., who heard about the contest five days ago and decided to fly up. For some reason unknown to the audience, Mr. Edgewater was only an “unofficial” participant. I guess they needed to keep the process professional. The rest of the dudes pretty much shadow-boxed and mumbled. My own favorite line wa,s “Condominiums? I never use ‘em.” Klassy.

This was followed by more talking up of the thrill show, plus an explanation of prizes, before another parade past the judges, when they were rated 1-3 by each “dignitary.” It is important to note here that among the prizes (which included a miniature LOVE Park statue and tickets to the movie) was — and I quote — “the chance to possibly meet” The Rock himself.

I can’t believe I missed out on a contest that may have possibly won me the outside chance of maybe meeting Sylvester Stallone. Maybe. Because we can’t let a dead horse remain unbeaten, Mr. Makeup goaded the crowd into cheering for the Rocky statue being returned to its “rightful” place atop the Art Museum steps, just before the winners were announced.

The winning Adrian had gone all-out, wearing a long puffy parka and ski cap in addition to the de rigueur cat-eye glasses, and the judges surprised the crowd by shunning the South Philly hometown favorite in favor of a suburban Rocky whose voice imitation was dead-on.

Truly amazing. The crowd was almost 50-50 media/promotional people to onlookers, and the onlookers who did stick out the entire contest mostly shook their heads and laughed. A few people seemed strangely into it, yelling ardently after their favorite lookalikes.

Best part of the afternoon? Free Life Savers popsicles from Wired 96.5.

I really, really, really love our hometown.