‘Daily News’: Want To Know The Real Way To Edit?

OUR TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR 21st CENTURY EDITORAL CONTENT

THIS MORNING, with the release of today’s Daily News, Philadelphia’s long drought of having newspapers not published by Joe Natoli is over.

Well, it wasn’t so long, in real terms: Natoli had only moved to Philadelphia in 2004. But two years is an eternity when you work or live in Center City, and you suddenly remember you need to read a newspaper not published by Joe Natoli.

We hope this brings a new and brighter chapter in the newspaper industry, which has had its share of mergers, consolidations and closings. Even casual readers find the upsets no mystery; the newspaper experience of the past few years has often been unpleasant. The Daily News, for example, was a torture chamber of bad writing, ’50s-era columnists and and acres of uninteresting, cheesily-made arguments.

We hope the Daily News will enjoy a nice long tenure in Center City and the region. That may require a different approach to the editorial sections of the paper. This blog’s newspaper advisory division offers these suggestions after the jump.

1. Get shopping carts. The paper’s kinda heavy.

2. Invite us to read the paper longer. Give us interesting stories throughout the paper. And some funny comics where we can recharge before flipping to sports. Photos on the website would help, too. So would a pony.

3. Help us find what we’re looking for. We mainly look for funny typos. And today, it took us about 20 seconds to find the “loooking” typo. And tell us when there’s a really funny correction. If you don’t have one… wait, nevermind.

4. Editorialize late. What’s wrong with a night or two when you are in the newsroom until 4 a.m.?

5. Offer a few “queer eye” columnists. But, sorry, PW already syndicates Dan Savage!

6 . Valet parking? Just a thought.

7. Help men read the paper. Most men read the paper as a guided-missile mission that should last eight minutes. (Hey, just like sex. Come on, we can’t believe you missed this easy joke. Even we thought of it.)

8. Stop acting like Philadelphia Weekly is a bunch of five-year-old girls. Please. We’re nearly 10 now.

9. Editorials about the new Macy’s: Do we need this many? We use quantum mechanics to compute the probability of finding an electron in a particular time. No such help exists when searching for a newspaper without the phrase “We use quantum mechanics to compute the probability of finding an electron in a particular time” in an editorial about Macy’s.

10. Help us help men. Sometimes, we need to trot out hackneyed stereotypes about men and shopping when we’re looking for a 10th point in our editorial. When you pare down the quantum mechanics comparisons, you can put in some boobs in the paper. (And how about explosions?) You’ll pull off the miraculous: happy men reading a newspaper.

Macy’s: Want to know the real way to shop? [Daily News]