Mennonite Cyclist Can’t Dance, Compete Without Cheating

Floyd Landis, the Tour de France champion who inspired “Amber Alert” postings online, tested positive late last week for elevated levels of testosterone. “Oh no!” those even with a vague interest in sports said. “He cheated to win?”

“No, no,” said Landis, who claimed that his testosterone levels were naturally high and not an evidence of blood doping. “Phew,” we said.

“Not so fast,” says the New York Times. In an article in today’s paper, a source at the International Cycling Union reveals that some of Landis’ testosterone in his sample was synthetic.

Dun dun dun. His doctor, though, is still keeping the faith:

Landis’s personal doctor, Dr. Brent Kay of Temecula, Calif., said he hoped that the results of Landis’s… initial [testosterone to epitestosterone ratio] test were false positives. He did, however, acknowledge that the initial test found a ratio of 11 to 1 in Landis’s system. He and Landis are seeking an explanation for that high level. [Note: The limit is 4 to 1]

“I’ve seen bodybuilders with numbers 100 to 1,” Kay said. “Although Floyd’s was elevated, it’s not off the chart or anything.”

Oh. You see, he didn’t cheat as much as bodybuilders! That’s okay, then! Hooray for Floyd! Just shows you can’t trust those shifty Mennonites.

New Finding Challenges Tour Champ’s Claim [NYT]
July 24: Floyd Landis Inspires Child Abduction-Themed Cheers