Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

John Baer: Ohh! More cops could prevent shootings!

Stu Bykofsky: There’s too much weather coverage on local news, bitches!

Urban Warrior Chris Brennan: The closed portion of Locust Street in the Gayborhood is a nightmare for traffic and local businesses, but also “the cranes and fencing provide cover that serves as a lure for some of the neighborhood’s persistent problems - drug dealing, prostitution and hustling.” Look out! Hustlers!

Down The Shore: You, Too, Can Be A Hooters Girl

Let’s start with the easy one: The current cover story in Atlantic City Weekly.

It’s a story about the Miss Deckadence contest, held weekly at The Deck at Trump Marina. It used to be called the Miss Hawaiian Tropic pageant, but it wasn’t drawing enough people. So Trump Marina got Hooters involved and — naturally — we have a huge success, ladies and gentlemen.

The girls at the Miss Deckadence contest takes place every Friday, and the top three girls each week advance to the finals on Labor Day weekend, where they’ll compete for the grand prize. But that’s not all! Each and every week, the girls competing can win the job of a lifetime:

Usually about two or three of the 12-15 average are non-Hooters employees, according to Hooters promotions manager Kathy Walls, and some are occasionally asked to join the company’s workforce if they possess the right apparatus.

“If a contestant who is not a Hooters girl is competing and meets all the right criteria, we might ask her to fill out an application,” says Walls. “We make our own schedules at Hooters, so if there’s a girl who might want to join us and pick up a few extra hours and some extra money, this could be a good opportunity for her. It’s an excellent company with a lot of room for advancement.”

The dream is still alive. Enter a contest and, presto, you’re a Hooters girl.

Meet the Misses [Atlantic City]

Breaking: Bus Crashes Into House

Philadelphia Will Do Goes Down The Shore!

With the heat approaching triple digits all week, there’s only one cure. That’s right: We’re going down the shore. Well, not literally, but this week is Philadelphia Will Do’s Down The Shore!

All week, in addition to our usual diet of puppies and Daily News columnists, we’ll be regurgitating all we know about the shore all week! We’ll be pretty much staying south of Atlantic City and doing our usual game — i.e. news items, puppies on the beach, etc. — although we’ll do some general rambling about our favorite (and least favorite) things at the shore, too.

And, yes, if you’re wondering, we’re going to be making fun of the media at the shore resorts, too. You thought we wouldn’t?

Stay tuned all week — and you can pretend you’re down there.

Phillies Weekend Wrap-Up

Know when it’s great to be a baseball fan? When your favorite team trades your favorite player and gets nothing in return. And the Phillies traded Bobby Abreu, too!

Seriously, the Phillies just traded away the man who’s been their best player over the last nine years and managed to make a worse deal than the Rolen and Schilling deals. No time for tears, though; let’s take a look at yesterday’s goodbye:

Whoo! Yay Bobby! Oh… Cory Lidle… yeah, you can come up for a curtain call, too, sure.

Some more Phillies thoughts after the jump.

More »

Early Weekend

Yeah, that’s not a lie. I am working on other PW stuff for the next two days and will not be blogging. There’s a big list of links on the side over there, and you can visit any of those sites for your entertainment at work. Next week is going to be, uh, a “special” week here, and I’ll fill youse in on the details sometime in the next few days.

The Nadir Of Barbaro Love

You may know that I’ve been kind of baffled by the whole “America Loves Barbaro” thing. Y’know, alright, I see why we don’t want him to die, but, uhh, he’s a horse. (And a horse who didn’t even win as many Triple Crown races as Smarty Jones or Afleet Alex.)

But, okay, I can live with it. Hooray for Barbaro. But what I can’t live with is what a reader sent to me late last night: Barbaro erotic fan fiction. (Absolutely not safe for work, or really for any human being.) Yes, a reader sent me a story titled “Saving Barbaro’s Semen,” that was apparently uploaded to a sex stories archive website.

Wait, let’s back up here: Someone wrote erotic fiction about a woman having sex with Barbaro. And, in the end of the story, Barbaro dies. Someone actually spent time writing this. And then thought people might get turned on by it. About not only a woman having sex with a horse, but about a woman having sex with Barbaro. And then the woman tells Barbaro he’s the best lover she’s ever had. And then Barbaro dies.

I pretty much think anyone should be able to do anything they sort of ever want, but… NO. Not erotic fan fiction about Barbaro. I support a constitutional amendment banning it. If aliens ever come to earth, they’re going to read this story and destroy the earth. Effing Barbaro. He’s going to indirectly cause the death of billions of people.

I can’t take this. Enough. I’m taking off the rest of the week. Seriously. You can blame Barbaro.

Saving Barbaro’s Semen (Not Safe For Anyone, Anywhere, Ever) [asstr.org]
Archives: Barbaro

Leftovers: Goodbye, Olympic Bid

• Breaking: Philly dropped from Olympic contention. Shocker, we know. Houston also dropped. Details TK. Update: Here are the aforementioned details from KYW 1060 and the Inky.

• Philly Future says that if they’re sold, they’ll be sharing the profits with you, the user! They also say “Driving an Hyundai like myself bub?” Ahh, yes, I can see the venture capitalists lining up to buy Philly Future any day now, and with Karl sharing the dough, Her Alter Ego will have enough bolding and capital letters to last a lifetime. [Philly Future]

• The New York Times loves City Hall! Add it to the list of things that the NYT hearts about Philly — that’s hipsters, the Liberty Bell, the Art Museum, Pat’s Steaks (probably), etc. — STAT! (Related: A very angry comment on Phillyist.) [NYT]

• The head of the prison guards’ union agrees with the lawsuit filed that claims poor conditions in Philly’s jails. So you know it’s bad. [Metro]

• Oh, and that stripper with the human hand in a jar? She skipped her court date today. Why are we (and the Daily News, and 50 other local blogs) writing about this even though it’s not really anywhere near Philly? Oh, right: She’s a stripper with a human hand in a jar. [AP/Philly.com]

Would The Inquirer Building Go Condo?

Steve Volk reports on philadelphiaweekly.com about the a recent Joe Natoli memo which featured, Q&A-style, this exchange:

Q: I heard something about our downtown building being for sale. Is that true?

A: No, but that’s under review. Our building is under-utilized. Options include leasing open space to others, selling the building in a sale/lease-back (which would generate cash to pay down debt, without requiring a move), or selling the building and leasing space in another facility. The issue is how best to realize the value of our real estate. That’s made more interesting by the school board’s recent move to North Broad Street, CBS’s plans to become our neighbor and the Governor’s proposed sale of the state office building just north of us. A decision on the building is probably months away. Having said that, we would always expect to maintain a significant presence in Philadelphia.

Natoli tells Volk that the Inquirer isn’t moving to the suburbs, even if that’s what one could infer from this memo. You can read the whole story and memo here.

Inquirer/Daily News Considering Move to the ’Burbs? [PW]

Website Finally Finds Words To Explain Phanatic’s Greatness

From MLBMascots.com:

The Phanatic is at his mischievous best while riding on his all-terrain vehicle before the game. He even tries to knock off the players of the opposing team to give the home team any advantage. He participates in scoffing and hooting at the opposing team along with the fans. In the crowd he is up to any mischief. He may awkwardly a tub of popcorn, steal your girlfriend, buff a bald head or just sit down and watch the game with you - from your lap.

Truer words were never written.

Phillie Phanatic [MLBMascots.com]