The Nadir Of Barbaro Love

You may know that I’ve been kind of baffled by the whole “America Loves Barbaro” thing. Y’know, alright, I see why we don’t want him to die, but, uhh, he’s a horse. (And a horse who didn’t even win as many Triple Crown races as Smarty Jones or Afleet Alex.)

But, okay, I can live with it. Hooray for Barbaro. But what I can’t live with is what a reader sent to me late last night: Barbaro erotic fan fiction. (Absolutely not safe for work, or really for any human being.) Yes, a reader sent me a story titled “Saving Barbaro’s Semen,” that was apparently uploaded to a sex stories archive website.

Wait, let’s back up here: Someone wrote erotic fiction about a woman having sex with Barbaro. And, in the end of the story, Barbaro dies. Someone actually spent time writing this. And then thought people might get turned on by it. About not only a woman having sex with a horse, but about a woman having sex with Barbaro. And then the woman tells Barbaro he’s the best lover she’s ever had. And then Barbaro dies.

I pretty much think anyone should be able to do anything they sort of ever want, but… NO. Not erotic fan fiction about Barbaro. I support a constitutional amendment banning it. If aliens ever come to earth, they’re going to read this story and destroy the earth. Effing Barbaro. He’s going to indirectly cause the death of billions of people.

I can’t take this. Enough. I’m taking off the rest of the week. Seriously. You can blame Barbaro.

Saving Barbaro’s Semen (Not Safe For Anyone, Anywhere, Ever) [asstr.org]
Archives: Barbaro