I’m Blaming The Otherwise Likable Sal’s Pals For This

More on the Myers leave of absence in a little bit — yeah, it’s been a little sports heavy the past 24 hours or so — but check out this screencap from the front page of Phillies.com:

“Is Sal Fasano the future at catcher.” IS SAL FASANO THE FUTURE AT CATCHER. Yes, the 33-year-old catcher who came into this season with a .222 lifetime batting average is the team’s future at catcher. With a strategy like that, this team’s going places!

Phillies.com
Sal Fasano [Baseball Reference]
May 3: Everything You Need To Know About Our Conflicted Love For Sal Fasano

Overwritten Lead Of The Moment, Tragedy Edition

The lead to a story in today’s Bucks County Courier Times about the possible closing of Pike Lanes:

Sam Wilf survived Auschwitz.

But after running Pike Lanes in Southampton for 30 years with his wife and son, it looked like his business wouldn’t survive.

Bowling alley gets a spare [Bucks County Courier Times]

Leftovers: Philadelphia Backward?

• Michael Nutter is stepping down as a City Councilman and officially declaring himself a candidate for mayor. So that leaves, what, three vacancies on Council? I’ve solved it! Shift a couple of at-large members to the vacant district council seats, don’t replace anyone and — bingo! — we can reduce the wage tax by a hundreth of a percent or something with the money saved. [Inky]

• As with any -gate scandal, Razorgate is taking a while for the details to come out. KYW 1060 reported today that “[a] search of Razorgator finds a single ticket for the Eagles-Giants game next season going for more than $800. Selling for that price at the stadium will land you in jail.” Indeed. [KYW 1060]

• A dissenting opinion in the Carl Singley for Mayor Phillymag idea comes from — where else? — Bucks County. [Daily Rant]

Rain, Rain, Go Away, So We Can Return To The Drought-Watching Fray

This, by far, is the most interesting angle I’ve ever seen on any story:

Yeah, screw you, rain! Always hampering our drought watches!

Rain puts damper on drought watch [Inquirer]

Boo! To… Kim Myers? Really?

The Daily News‘ Jen Armstrong — clearly, peeping hot trends that haven’t been reported yet — weighs in on the Phillies’ reaction to the arrest of Brett Myers.

Or, rather, the lack of reaction, since he pitched at Fenway Park the following day, isn’t suspended, etc. Armstrong also tells people to email Charlie Manuel to tell them how they feel, which makes an assumption I don’t know that I’d make, i.e. that Cholly knows how to use his email. (Ba-dum-pum.)

She also talks with the executive director of Women in Transition as well as a family-law attorney, who gives this quote (emphasis mine):

Lynne Gold-Bikin, a family-law attorney and past chairwoman of the American Bar Association’s family-law section, agreed, saying, “Am I pissed off? Yes, I think they people should not go to any games in which he pitches.

“If people truly believe domestic violence is an issue, they ought to walk with their feet and say this is not appropriate,” she continued. “And boo to the wife who bailed him out.”

Yes, booooo, Kim Myers, booooo! Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo. You were probably in a perfect state of mind after allegedly being attacked by your husband and clearly should have done the decision the former chairwoman of the American Bar Association’s family law section would have wanted!

That being said, Armstrong later does point out that it’s not uncommon for wives to post bail for their husbands. I don’t know what Gold-Bikin thinks of all of them, but I would like to use this space to offer the Phillies another piece of advice. I know you’ve gotten a lot of it, and I know you seemingly haven’t accepted much or any of it, but I think this one is a no-brainer:

Might want to cancel that ASAP.

Update: It’s been changed.

Jenice Armstrong | For the Phillies: Boo! [Daily News]
Archives: Brett Myers

Forbidden Media Criticism

Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest letter to the editor — sorry, Northeast Times! — in the history of letters to the editor:

A correction on Forbidden Drive

The article about the WPA-era guardhouse on Wissahickon Drive that appeared in the June 8 edition of the Local reminded me once again of an error of nomenclature that frequently appears in the Local, the Inquirer and the Daily News. I refer to the mysterious “Forbidden” Drive.

Newspapers do not have legal authority to alter the official names of park drives. Only the Fairmount Park commissioners can do that. Quite recently that body voted to change the name of West River Drive to Martin Luther King Drive. Some years before that it voted to re-name East River Drive as Kelly Drive and before that, to change the name of the lower end of Wissahickon Drive (the paved portion) to Lincoln Drive. To the best of my knowledge the upper end of Wissahickon Drive (the unpaved portion) has never been formally re-named, or should it be. The name Wissahickon is much revered throughout the entire region. Why would we want to change it to Forbidden? How might the Friends of the Wissahickon feel if the newspapers started calling the organization the Friends of the Forbidden?

This is not an accusation that the Local is trying to force a name change. More likely, it is simply inaccurate journalism. May I suggest that you contact the Fairmount Park Commission and ask for the date of the meeting of the commissioners at which there was a vote to change the name of a portion of Wissahickon Drive to Forbidden Drive. I have written to the commission four times requesting this information and have never been given the courtesy of an answer, or even an acknowledgement that my letters were received. Perhaps the Local will receive more courteous treatment.

If the commission does give you a date, I would stand corrected. If it doesn’t, then the use of the name Forbidden should be forbidden in future accounts of Philadelphia’s glorious trail through the Wissahickon Valley. It is a happy place and not foreboding in any way.

You hear that, journalists! You don’t have the authority to rename streets, popular opinion be damned! Take that!

A correction on Forbidden Drive [Chestnut Hill Local]

Todd Jones Wants You To Research His Life Before Booing Him

Hey, remember Todd Jones? That’s him in the photo. Awful pitcher, was with the Phils for a half-season, noted homophobe, etc.

Yeah. Well, apparently, his poor performances in Philadelphia — and the fans’ reaction to it — made Jones all upset. Apparently, he likes every major league city besides Philadelphia. Jones writes this about the fans of our local nine:

New York and Boston can be tough, but the fans there are knowledgeable. To hear them say it, they’re on a first-name basis with my mother — and every other player’s mother.

You can see the troublemakers from a mile away. Usually, it’s a few buddies going out for the night. One will get his beer muscles on, and then it starts.

You see them plotting. Finally, one of them leans over and lets you have it: “Hey, Jones! You stink!”

That’s it? That’s all you’ve got? All that beer at 8 bucks a cup and your buddies egging you on, and that’s all you can come up with?

Come on. At least be creative. Do your homework. If I gave up a homer the night before, mention that. If I have an unusual middle name (like, say, Barton), heck, throw that out. At least show us you’re prepared and have done some homework.

Now, I’m not saying Philly fans aren’t occasionally uncreative. Heck, maybe we’re the least creative fans in the world. Even so, if you’re scoring at home, Todd Jones would rather you obsessively check out details from his life, find out where his mother lives and then come up with some chant that involves a test Jones failed in third grade, his mother’s maiden name and the homer he undoubtedly gave up last night.

Jones is in the AL now, so he’s not going to make it to CBP this year barring a trade. But if he does ever show up in the opposing bullpen, please remind him that time he blew a save for the Phillies on gay pride night.

That was a night when people of all walks of life — people of every creed, race, sexual orientation and class — all came together to boo Todd Jones.

We get our Phil of screeching fans [Sporting News]
Homosexuality and Baseball [The Cub Reporter]
Bingadunkchewhound [promothree]

The Phillies Use Lifebuoy, And They Still Stink

The past few weeks haven’t been all that kind to the local baseball nine. As a chart in the Daily News helpfully notes today, the Phillies were 22-15 and one game out of first place in the NL East on May 14. Today, they’re 35-40, 12 games back (and eighth, 5 1/2 back in the Wild Card).

I’m not quite sure what I have to add to the general sense of malaise on all the Phillies blogs and messageboards a”nd talk radio, but here’s a go: They stink. All of them stink. Every single player, coach, front office exec, ticket taker, parking lot attendant, webmaster, anyone in any way shape or form associated with the Phillies absolutely freaking stinks.

Hmm. That wasn’t all that helpful. Let’s go to aspiring model and Phillies blogger Jason Weitzel, who wrote something in a comment on his blog I found summed up the way this team works:

To summarize and hypothesize: The Phillies have lost 13 of 16 games. Two of their wins came with two bench players starting. The last game they won was the 4-2 game against New York in which the manager was buried for sitting Howard and Abreu. The last game they won with the “regular” starters, including Fasano instead of Coste, was over two weeks ago in Arizona.

There’s a pattern, and it’s crystal clear why this team underperforms for Charlie Manuel.

It would be a travesty to trot out Jon’s lineup [Rollins-Utley-Abreu-Burrell Howard-Rowand-Victorino-Bell-Fasano] tomorrow against the left-handed pitcher, but that’s precisely what Manuel will do. He will play Burrell, who went 0-3 with 4 men left on base [Editor's Note: After coming in as a pinch hitter!]. He will play Bell, who stranded 4 men on base and hit into a rally-killing DP in the second inning.

This will reinforce to players that failure is acceptable, and success is meaningless. Yet this has been Manuel’s pattern for two seasons.

When you lose at the rate the Phillies are losing, you don’t sit the few players who show you something.

Now take a look at this again: This is the lineup I would go with tomorrow, rewarding all the top performers of [yesterday] and sitting the flunkies:

Victorino
Utley
Howard
Dellucci
Rowand
Rollins
Nunez
Coste
Hamels

Once again, there’s no doubt in my mind they would smoke the O’s [tonight] with this lineup. And if they would, I’d start ‘em the next day.

Too long? Here’s the abridged version: If the Phillies are going to lose like they did yesterday, at least let new players lose rather than the same ones we’ve seen lose since around ‘01.

Comment on Game 3 in progress, Bell DP kills early threat [Beerleaguer]

Movies Just Keep Getting Better And Better

Dan Gross today reports on the stupidest movie ever:

Adam Sandler and Kevin James will star as two of Philly’s Bravest in a movie directed by David Dobkin (”Wedding Crashers”) and written by “Sideways” director and co-writer Alexander Payne and his regular writing partner, Jim Taylor.

Sandler and James play “two heterosexual Philadelphia firemen who pretend to be gay and get gay married so they can procure the desired domestic-partnership insurance,” Payne told CN8’s Barry Nolan.

The film’s scheduled to shoot in New York and L.A., and is titled “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,” according to imdb.com.

You know what the worst part is? Someone in Hollywood said, “Y’know, I don’t think we have enough movies for the homophobic frat boy demographic.” And then someone — many people, probably — agreed with that person and decided to make this movie.

Sandler and James to play our firemen [Daily News, 2nd item]
Editor’s Note: I couldn’t find a photo of the fireman from Sopranos, so you get Vito instead.

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: Another Ronnie Polaneczky Heartwarming Column™. Enjoy!

Bonus! Guest Columnist Joseph Bast: There’s no such thing as global warming — and if there is, it’s good for the Earth — I’m worried about Al Gore becoming president, etc., etc. Hey, Daily News, you messed up this guy’s tagline. Where it says “Joseph L. Bast is president of the Heartland Institute, a non-profit that promotes free-market solutions to social and economic problems,” you should have put “Joseph L. Bast is an idiot!”