Enjoy The Weekend

Okay, it’s the day before a three-day weekend. (Yeah, I’m taking off Monday, too.) There’s nothing going on. Sigh. And the Wi-Fi bill was just signed yesterday. (Seriously, I think Des Moines, Iowa, is going to be bathed in a wireless network before we are.)

But, let’s end with this: By my calculations, Johnny Goodtimes has now been mentioned more in Metro than on any other media site, including his own website. (And, amazingly, even more than here.)

Anyway, have a good weekend. Enjoy the holiday. A favor: If you’re going to Wildwood, could you let me know if they rebuilt Sam’s Pizza yet? Can’t believe that place burnt down. (Where else are you going to eat, Mack’s? Please.) We’ll return you to your regularly scheduled programming Tuesday. We can only hope there are mascots.

Update: Some internet searching has revealed that Sam’s might indeed be opening this weekend!

The Only Part Of Last Year’s Eagles Season You Want To Remember

It’s a Friday before a long weekend. There’s really nobody around and no news going on. Fortunately, there’s YouTube.

Yep, that’s one of the lone bright spots from the 2005 Philadelphia Eagles. Hey, training camp is starting soon, right?

Philly’s Favorite, Apparently, Is Dumb Enough To Be Tricked By A Stupid Pet

Stupid Pet Tricks Philly Favorite [CBS 3]

The End Of Illegal Guns

In this week’s Citypaper, Brian Hickey comes up with a novel approach to end the tide of gun violence in the city: Set up gun checkpoints just like we do with DUIs and frisk everyone in the car to find illegal weapons.

Whoo! That’s quite a bold plan, but he plays the “it’s really no different” card, and I suppose it’s not really all that different than DUI stops. But the idea of being stopped at a checkpoint and frisked because I happened to be driving around an area where they were looking for a few illegal guns kind of makes me [insert your favorite 1984-esque reference here].

Hickey claims that the stops wouldn’t be discriminatory, since they’d be stopping everyone. (In a program in NYC, officers were stopping and frisking — wait for it — a disproportionate number of blacks and Latinos.) I tend to think it discriminates against people who own cars, leaving those who walk, run, bicycle or Segway around with illegal guns safe, but that’s not really the issue here.

Now, before you say, “This is the silliest thing I’ve heard since the 76ers offered free tickets if you gave them their illegal guns,” let me tell you I’ve found out a way to make this novel approach even better. You may remember that a last week Hickey wrote that the then-unknown suspect in the murder of Police Officer Gary Skerski “warrants a shoot-first, don’t-even-bother-with-questions-later response.”

I’m sure you’re seeing where I’m going here: We should set up traffic stops, and if the guy has yellow eyes or looks like he might’ve killed someone, you simply open fire into his chest (with a legal gun, of course!).

Shoot first, don’t even bother with questions later! Problem solved. No long trial, no messy appeals and we can all get back to debating the cuteness of puppies.

Lethal Rejection [CP]
Stops, or They’ll Shoot [CP]
Hoagie Dip 3/1 [PW]
May 19: A Good Day For Snitchin’

Quickies: Lose Weight Now, Ask Me How

• Shawn Andrews wants to lose some weight, being that he weighs approximately 750 pounds. That’s all well and good, but what if he loses weight, improves his life expectancy but becomes a less effective offensive lineman in the process? Come on, you were thinking it, too. [Daily News]

• Former Eagles coach Jim Trimble died today at the age of 87. He coached in the 50s — when the team was at one point quarterbacked by Philly the Heroic War Dog — and actually compiled a winning record, so he must’ve been doing something right. [AP/ESPN.com]

• There was a fire at West Philadelphia High this morning, which forced classes to be moved to another building. It didn’t affect things much, since seniors had an off-school grounds event, juniors were just picking up tickets for the prom and nobody goes to school anymore in this city anyway. [Inquirer]

• For now, double entendre headlines like these aren’t going to get old. We’ll check back in a few months. [NBC 10]

‘Gay News’ Asks The Tough Questions

Metro may get the majority of the person-on-the-street mentions here, but for the best interviews, the Philadelphia Gay News might take the cake. Here’s today’s.

Coming next week: If you could make one Monty Python character gay, which one would it be and why?

Street Talk: If you could be gay in another era, what would it be?

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

Jill Porter: “For many long years, [the Phila. Library and the LCB] were moribund and faltering in their public mission.¶ But look at them now.” Uhhh… okay. Aren’t they places that mainly cater to homeless people?

Elmer Smith: “He came up one hug short of a happy childhood or his porridge was too hot or too cold or society failed to remove a thorn from his paw.” That’s the first double fairy tale reference I’ve seen in one sentence in a long time. Well played, Elmer.

Christine Flowers: “How can we, whole in body and strangers to the hell he experienced, challenge this patriot [John McCain]? To do so indicates a fundamental inhumanity.” There’s no better way to put it: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Puppy! Girl! Yay! Et Cetera!

Suburban alt-weekly-ish paper Philly EDGE (get it?) has come up with what could be a smart way to get people to pick up the paper: Putting cute girls on the cover. (Slaps forehead, goes “Ohhhh!”)

This week, the cover girl is none other than Real Worlder and Bucks County resident Svetlana Shusterman. Here’s one of the photos:

Yes, she’s holding a puppy. The only thing that would make me like this photo more is if she had on an Eagles hat, too. And if she was playing Tecmo Bowl or something.

Svetlana Shusterman from The Real World: Key West [Philly EDGE]

Today’s Sign Of The Apocalypse

He told cops that four attackers had spilled out of two cars and ordered him to hand over $75,000 worth of spoils from the music industry - Jacob the Jeweler watch and a platinum chain complete with a record-shaped pendant - along with about $3,000 in cash, police sources said. [...]

His car, a white Chevy Impala, remained parked for hours in the valet lane of the hospital’s 34th Street entrance, surrounded by yellow crime-scene tape and flanked by no-parking signs.

Beanie Sigel’s jewelry is worth more than his car (unless it’s a gold-plated Chevy Impala that runs on diamonds).

Beanie Sigel: I was robbed, shot [Daily News]

Leftovers: Beerleaguer, International Megastar

• Congratulations to Jason Weitzel, who’s featured in Metro today — talking about his Beerleaguer blog — and about ‘Phlogs’ (sigh) in general. And his modeling headshot was way better than a photo of a fat guy in a Love Park t-shirt, which was a photo of some local blogger a few weeks back. [Metro]

• Hey, the Phillies won, too! [AP/Yahoo!]

• The best part of this anti-Barnes Tower website is not the design, not the fact that words like GHASTLY MONSTROSITY are used (yes, in all caps and bold) but the fact that something actually topped StopWoodhavenRoad.com in terms of overstatement and poor design. [Fight The Tower]

• Phillyist jumps in on the photos of doggies action. But of course. [Phillyist]

• The biggest question half the city is asking about the mail carrier who dealt drugs while on his route: Damn, why don’t I live on his route? [Metro]

• Yesterday, President Bush pledged support for nuclear power. Or, of course, as he calls it, nucular power. Ba-dum-pum. [Bucks County Courier Times]