The Political Machine, Bisexuals And Dead Kittens: It Must Be The Primary!

I’ll just come out and say it: Yesterday was the greatest primary in the history of Pennsylvania. I know, I’ve only been on this planet for 20-plus years, but I don’t think any other primary voting could have topped yesterday.

Consider:

• The two top Republicans in the Senate — Bob Jubelirer and Chip Brightbill — were trounced yesterday. They both voted for the pay raise, which was, essentially, the reason they lost in the primary. And they outspent their opponents by huge margins. I think government is probably going to waste money in one way or another, but it’s always kind of nice to see long-time incumbents knocked out of office. (Well, not nice for them.)

That’s not the reason this is so good, though. Brightbill was running against Mike Folmer, and the Daily News‘ John Baer describes the final days of the race as such:

It included a last-minute TV ad involving a woman with whom Folmer admitted having a decade-old affair - a woman who later sued Folmer, claiming bad financial advice.

It also involved a charge from the Folmer camp suggesting Brightbill supporters might have killed a kitten, Twister, owned by Folmer’s press aide.

Brightbill’s spokesman dismissed the suggestion, saying, “I can’t emphasize enough how much I love cats.”

You see, rest of the state? This is why Philadelphia hates you (and why, in turn, you hate us). Our politics are stupid, ridiculous, over-the-top and annoying, but we rarely, if ever, kill kittens or accuse people of doing so.

• Speaking of Philadelphia, the hotly contested 175th District — which had a three-way race and lots of fun arguing — went to Mike O’Brien, who defeated Anne Dicker and Terry Graboyes. Graboyes, who was backed by Ed Rendell and Vince Fumo, actually finished third behind the progressive, bisexual Dicker, a fave of men, women and bloggers. Naturally, Graboyes said went off with a “I coulda been a contender, I coulda been somebody”:

“If Anne Dicker hadn’t been there, I would have trampled,” she said. “And I will still never understand [why she ran]. Obviously it was more important to make her point than elect a progressive woman to the House.”

Oh, wah wah. Oh, and I couldn’t fit this in anywhere else, so I’m just going to throw it here: Voting for Dicker, who is bisexual (and married), is probably the closest most voters in the 175th will get to a threesome. (Rimshot.)

• The Democratic machine did possibly pull off an upset win in the 179th in North Philly, where the only candidate on the ballot (Tony Payton) might’ve lost to a write-in candidate (Emilio Vasquez), the fave of party leaders, who was knocked off when he failed to disclose his employer when filing his petitions. Sigh. Payton, naturally, is claiming people handing out stamps with Vasquez’ name, which is — surprise! — illegal. (Correction: It’s illegal if they’re handed out inside the polling place; legal if it’s 10 feet outside. But of course.)

• And, hey, Chuck Pennacchio lost, but he did beat Alan Sandals, who he was polling below (I think) prior to the primary. Of course, Bob Casey got 84 percent of the vote and will be taking on Rick Santorum in November.

Pennsylvania Election Results [AP/Philly.com]