Five-Year-Olds Already Snitchin’

Let’s say you’re a parent — and, yes, for me and for a section of my readers that’s a fairly scary thought, but just pretend — and you’re on your way to a birthday party at your son’s school. What’s one thing you wouldn’t do?

If you said “Well, I wouldn’t hide my weed in my son’s schoolbag before school, and I wouldn’t come to the party possibly high,” you win the prize! I’m not sure what that prize is, but it doesn’t involve being arrested, as Serena Gills is after her five-year-old son went up to a teacher and said, “Mommy’s weed is in my bag.”

The teacher notified police, who confronted Gills when she got to the party. They said she smelled of marijuana and they found a half-smoked blunt in her purse.

Gills, you may remember, is the mother of Erica Pratt, the then-seven-year-old girl who was kidnapped in 2002 and then managed to escape her bumbling captors, immediately becoming one of the coolest seven-year-olds ever.

Here’s what we’re thinking, though: Although what the mom did was really effing stupid, her son was the one who told on her. Clearly, she needs to get him a “Snitch and Die” t-shirt, pronto.

Mom Arrested at Son’s School Party [6 ABC]

Finally, Something On TV More Boring Than An Hour Of Howie Mandel Opening Briefcases

Come to think of it, no, this probably isn’t as boring as Deal or No Deal. I could really go for an Amy Freeze briefcase, though.

NBC 10

Profanity, Live On CNN?

Seriously, does he say “fuck”? (The guy off-screen, I think, is the guy who says it. He does the morning financial report.) I mean, I doubt he’d be saying that, but I cannot think of anything else that the noise could be. Help me out here?

Quickies: Trash, Trash, Everywhere

• A garbage truck overturned in Bucks County, spilling trash all over the Route 1. So, there’s garbage all over. How does this make it any different than usual in Buxco? [CBS 3]

• Temple’s search for a new president is down to two candidates after former Penn CEO John Fry dropped out. Now we just have to find out what a university president actually does. [Inky]

• How did I miss this living stuffed toy-like Cavalier King Charles Spaniel before? [Cute Overload]

• The oil spill in the Delaware Bay is still being cleaned up. And — what a surprise! — they don’t know who or what caused the spill. [Inky]

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

Stu Bykofsky: Get rid of those illegal immigrants, bitches! How would we do it? Why, we’d come up with a national worker ID card. Yes, this will go over real well and will surely work perfectly.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Welll-let’s-auction-off-MCP-to-the-highest-bidder, do-I-hear-one-dollar-two-dollar-three-dollars…

John Baer: Tom Ridge says you should go see Flight 93. So go do it!

Michael Smerconish: United 93 won’t rally the terrorists! Phew!

An Historic Merger

I didn’t notice this until a fellow PW staffer alerted me to it yesterday. It’s from the current issue of the Philadelphia Gay News. The first two paragraphs of the story (emphasis mine):

The number-two executive at the Free Library of Philadelphia is the new right hand of the city’s chief taskmaster, the official announced this week.

Kevin Vaughan is leaving his position as Free Library associate director to become Managing Director Pedro Ramos, according to Ramos’s chief of staff.

Holy shit! He’s taking over his body? They should say “according to scientists!”

With slur out, official heads to City Hall [Philadelphia Gay News]

A Milestone To End All Milestones

Hank Aaron breaks Babe Ruth’s home run record. Man walks on the moon. Et cetera. And now…

This milestone tops them all.

Action News Delivers 2000th Morning Mug! [6 ABC]

Leftovers: Snitchin’ Ain’t Bitchin’

• Ex-Rick Mariano lawyer Nino Tinari is now a consultant with Philip Chartock’s defense team, who are now saying Mariano was simply a thief and not someone who could have been bribed. There are so many stories that you just can’t make up today. It’s been too much. [Inky]

• Despite all this, here’s the headline of the day: “NFL Great’s Relative Admits Having Sex With Student.” Yes, and it’s George Halas’ great-nephew. That’s a bit of a stretch. [NBC 10]

• How do you publicize next month’s Phillymag issue? Why, you publish the article about Donald Trump online, because what we really need is to read more about him! The kicker, though: The article’s effing detailed, well-sourced and actually just tremendously interesting. One of the better things I’ve read in a while. Yes, I know. Black is white, and down is up. I can’t figure out what the hell’s going on, either. [Phillymag]

• Ex-MTV jock Chris Booker is headed to Q102, and the straight ladies and the gay men scream. Meanwhile, everyone else is like, “Holy shit! Q102 still exists?” [Inky]

• This story has everything: A ridiculous interpretation of spelling bee rules, a lot of angry parents, a lot of angry parent backlash and a newspaper editor accusing another newspaper of doing hack jobs on the spelling bee his paper sponsored. It’s the scandal of the century in the Lehigh Valley! [A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago]

• A woman in Bucks County has topped that whole newsstand stealing thing: She stole a whole house. She didn’t get a crane to pick it up or anything, though — check fraud is not nearly as cool. [AP/Inky]

Blogging Panel Brouhaha

Oh, boo.

There was going to be a panel at Equality Forum, which begins next week, highlighting issues in LGBT blogging/new media, and the guest list was fairly impressive: an Annenberg prof, the ME of the Inquirer, and three bloggers - Pam Spaulding, John Aravosis and Jeff Gannon.

This was going to be a trip, since Aravosis has been one of Gannon’s biggest critics, and Gannon has replied in turn in his column in the Washington Blade. Gannon, you may remember, was the “reporter,” who, with no experience, got himself a White House press pass. His organization, Talon News, wasn’t, uh, a real news organization. And Aravosis happened to expose him as a male escort in February of last year.

And, so, Gannon and Aravosis were both going to speak on the same panel, and presumably it would come up. But, unfortunately (for those of us who love this kind of shit), Aravosis and Spaulding have cancelled their appearances on the panel.

They did so because, according to their blog posts, the Gannon issue wasn’t going to be one of the focal points of the panel. You might ask why, then, bother? And since Aravosis and Spaulding didn’t wish to be on a panel where the “conservative gay blogger” was represented by Gannon, they pulled out. (Me, I’d be on a panel with Captain Crunch, despite his lack of journalistic credentials, if only to get to meet the Cap’n. But I understand their reasons for pulling out.)

So there won’t be an almost certainly hilariously awkward (and informative) discussion of Gannon’s roles as a faux journalist and a gay prostitute. But, y’know, if you really want to meet Inquirer Managing Editor Anne Gordon, the event is free.

Update, 6:30 p.m.: Equality Forum has responded with a press release, which you can see over at All Spin Zone. More on this tomorrow. Unless I forget.

Media Panel: Blogs [Equality Forum]
A Man called Jeff [AMERICAblog]

I canceled my appearance on the upcoming panel with Gannon/Guckert, the homophobic White House Republican prostitute accused of plagiarism [AMERICAblog]
Why I won’t be on panel in Philly [Pam's House Blend]

NBC 10 Asks The Important Questions

I’m a little wary of a poll that doesn’t distinguish between coulrophobics and recovering coulrophobics

NBC 10
Coulrophobia [Answers.com]