Quickies: Howard’s Massive Homer

• If you haven’t seen Ryan Howard’s 496-foot home run yesterday — and, really, homers aren’t measured accurately, so who knows how long it actually went — Phillies.com has the video, although they have the Florida announcers and not Harry Kalas. The homer did go out to Ashburn Alley, though, and was retrieved by a 19-year-old ARAMARK employee. [Daily News]

• A tasteful art exhibit of nude women in Newtown has drawn the ire of Borough residents, natch. Bucks County Courier Times columnist J.D. Mullane lays the smack down, and other cliches, on those who think it’s distasteful. [BCCT]

• Now you can’t even enjoy a nice nap in front of your television set on a Sunday afternoon without being shot and killed. Sigh. [Daily News]

• If you haven’t seen this video of how actual, professional TV journalists are covering the Duke rape trial, you really need to. It’s so offensive it’s funny and then is somehow offensive and then funny again. I honestly can’t believe it’s real. [Video Dog]

• If you have some time, check out my good friend Dave Zeitlin’s feature on the late Colin Fitzpatrick. (It’s about 3,000 words, so get a cup of coffee beforehand.) Since he’s my good friend, I’ll leave him out of the overwritten lead of the moment feature, but you get points for this, buddy: “A stand-up comic in training, Colin laughed like William Butler Yeats cranked out literature — prodigiously.” You can punch me later. [West Chester Daily Local]

• In case you’re wondering, stay the hell out of the Midwest unless you want to get mumps. Coming soon: Whooping cough! [Slate]