Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

Elmer Smith: “Apparently the U.S. Senate has decided that incest is family busines.” Okay, sorry guys, I stopped reading after that first sentence.

Jill Porter: Eminent domain is being used to unfairly remove a man from his property. But, then again, that man has broken the law, possibly threatened violence and said he would get a gun to settle it. Sounds like Philadelphia to me!

Light Conversation

Today is the one-year anniversary of the death of Terri Schiavo, and, as such, newspapers have trotted out one-year anniversary articles to determine what it really means to us.

Fair enough. An article in the Bucks County Courier Times views the debate as one over a person’s right to die, and begins like this (emphasis mine):

Terri Schiavo is gone, but the name of the woman who became a symbol of the right-to-die movement is alive in hospital hallways, lawyers’ offices and church pews a year after her controversial death.

That is a good thing, people on both sides of the debate say.

“It is dinnertime conversation,” said Janet Poland, director of risk management at Lower Bucks Hospital in Bristol Township and co-chair of its ethics committee.

Note to self: Don’t go to any charity dinners organized by Lower Bucks Hospital.

Schiavo put right-to-die issue in national spotlight [Bucks County Courier Times]

Photo by myflickrbox

With Their Powers Combined…

Whoo! Really taking a stand on this one! Take that, plumbers!

Fumo, Street join the push for waterless urinals [Inky]

Blogicized: Time’s Yours

• The Andy Reid impersonator learns the cold, hard truth: You’ll have to go to L.A. Weight Loss like the real head coach if you want to lose weight. [Philebrity]

• Philabuster finds the most adorable cutesy-wutesy wittle hounds! Woof! [Badminton Stamps]

• In case you needed a complement to the sexiest newswoman in Philly contest, here it is: Studs of Philadelphia TV News. [Bella Vista Social Club]

Two Boards And A Passion, Indeed!

With a headline that long, the article’s probably the length of your average encyclopedia.

Lantern Theater’s superb production of Richard III fully delivers this fascinating play. Shakespeare’s history plays are full of pageantry and spectacle, usually performed with large casts on large stages, but here, the tiny unadorned stage (”two boards and a passion,” as the saying goes), gives us intimate engagement with the drama. Imaginatively staged, powerfully acted, and shrewdly directed by Charles McMahon, this is one not to miss. [Philly.com]

Not-So-Hot Wheels

One of the best things about the Internet, is that, while the local paper of record is doing a big puff piece on a Phillies announcer many fans don’t seem to like, you can simply put up your own feelings and come up with your own story.

Enter The Chris Wheeler Glossary. Put together by the posters at PhilliesPhans.com, the site contains all of Wheels’ favorite sayings that we’ve come to know over the past years. Some of my favorite definitions:

• Ba Hahaha HeHeHe HA - I think your (largely unfunny) baseball-related story is amusing
• He Has Fun Out There - He’s awful; He’s Tomas Perez
• Does He Throw A Split? - That pitch wasn’t a fastball
• First Ball Fastball, Middle-in - Any pitch that someone can hit
• How Important Was…? - I think that was important, do you agree? (usage: on the pre-game manager’s show, “Charlie, how important was that game winning home run by Utley last night?”)
• LA… - Larry Andersen; former junkballing major league reliever and resident humorist (usage includes: “LA - how important is strike one?” — Chris wishes LA to spin the viewers a colorful yarn about the perils of getting behind in the count. Or, he just wants to get on our nerves and talk down to us.)
• There’s Our Old Friend (insert former Phillies anything) - He never liked me

And there’s a ton more. Check it out, and may all your first ball fastballs be middle in. (Although they always are.)

The Chris Wheeler Glossary
PhilliesPhans.com
March 6: Leftovers: Hey, Mussolini made the trains run on time

Your Weekly Moment Of Northeast Philly Goodness

So a former deli will soon be… a deli.

Former Lawncrest deli will soon be a Wawa [Northeast Times]

Extreme Hooky

Yesterday was the unveiling of the new house in the Northeast for Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and Inquirer photographer David Swanson captured it, which we’ll thumbnail here:

Man. Doesn’t anybody work anymore?

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition slideshow [Inky]

You, Too, Can Get Terrell Owens’ Cup

It used to be, you had to be a professional athlete to get a professional athlete’s cup. I’m not quite sure why you’d want a pro athlete’s cup, but some people are just really hardcore.

But, now, thanks to his official website, you can indeed get Terrell Owens’ cup, as well as his hat and an MP3 of his rap about making it to the Pro Bowl next year. Actually, you get four of T.O.’s cups, and five downloads of his MP3, which — since it’s an MP3 — probably doesn’t have any crippling DRM on it.

Oh, and this deal costs $59. Fifty-nine bucks for a hat, four cups, and an MP3 that you can download five times. (Not sure why you need to download it more than once, though.) The hat, though, is exclusive to T.O. Fan Club members — oh, yes, this is what this deal is for, a membership to Owens’ fan club — and you do also get this bonus:

You will be automatically entered in “Meet and Greet” and have a chance to win two (2) round-trip tickets to “BIG D” to see me “live” in action, as well as meet me after the game.

I must say, I’m a little confused why “live” is in quotes. It seems like you’ll be watching the game on television and then meeting T.O. outside the locker room after the game. But, hey, you do get four cups!

Fan Club Package [Official Store of Terrell Owens]
Join Terrell Owens’ Special Club [Deadspin]

Copy Cats [PW]
March 20: Well, he’s better than Shaq at least

And The Neighborhood Shortening Continues

Yesterday, Graduate Hospital becomes G-Ho. Today, Bella Vista becomes:

Hmm. I guess that’s fine, but that’s not really that much shorter, now, is it?

The Weekly Press