Where The Wild (Liberal) Things Are

There’s a story in the Evening Bulletin today about Hillary Clunkton, a fictional cartoon character who is the villain of a series of conservative children’s books. (Don’t worry, it gets better.)

The third book in the Help! Mom! series — which had previous titles of Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed! and Help! Mom! Hollywood’s in My Hamper! — will feature Hillary being arrested, and you can even bid on an eBay auction to get to be the one who apprehends her.

I don’t really know why childrens’ books are the appropriate audience to bash Hillary Clinton, since kids (1) don’t vote and (2) don’t care. But, apparently, liberals have been polluting our kids’ minds for ages:

“Liberals have been targeting children in their war on traditional values for years,” says DeBrecht, a mother of three. “Since they can’t persuade adult voters to abandon personal responsibility and embrace the welfare state, they have instead chosen to flood our classrooms and libraries with books about gay kings, socialist fish, and even marijuana use. It’s time to put a stop to it - and ironically Hillary is going to help us do just that!”

Holy shit. There are kids books about that? Where’s my Choose Your Own Adventure where if I go to page 46, I get to smoke a bowl, and if I go to page 72, I get to chill with a sweet socialist fish? And don’t you think a gay king would be a blast to read about? Just think how nice his castle would be!

I feel so cheated.

Hillary’s Going To Jail; Charity To Benefit [The Evening Bulletin]