Following the NCAA Tournament at work (a guide)

Yes, it is the greatest two days of the year. Or at least the greatest two days of the year for schlubs like me who have the option at working from home. It’s the first two days of the NCAA Tournament, and sports junkies and normal people alike are all into it because they could end up winning some cash if some school you’ve never heard of except in NCAA Tournaments (say, UNC-Wilmington) is able to pull off a second-round upset.

And me, I can watch the tournament all day from home! Yes, you jerks, I finally have an advantage over all of you with better jobs, more money, actual girlfriends, &c. And there’s nothing you can do about it! Muah ha ha ha… erhm. Sorry. Gimme a second to straighten my tie.

Okay. Forget that. The NCAA Tournament isn’t about gloating — except after your team hits a game-winning shot — nay, it’s about love and friendship and puppydogs and brackets and basketball! And I think you should share in the fun. Every year some companies — who probably make their employees work on Christmas Eve — release studies about all the productivity lost due to the NCAA Tournament. Wah wah wah. In addition to the polls rarely addressing if the people skipping work to watch the tourney would actually be doing work were they back at their desks, these polls are, uh, evil. I feel that, refreshed from a little bit of basketball watching, Joe Worker returns to his desk and is more productive than ever!

So let me present to you, the first annual Philadelphia Will Do Guide To Following The NCAA Tournament At Work.

• Okay, the easiest and simplest way is to simply find a television in your office. Do you have a conference room with a TV? Schedule a “meeting.” If a boss wonders why you’re being so boisterous, simply say you’re really into pie charts. If you need to get keys or something for reserving a conference room, feel free to bribe the guys who control said keys. Candy is your best bet, but you can also offer to pay the person’s tourney pool entry fee.
• If you don’t have a TV in your office, you can try to skip out for the last few hours of the day. The games don’t start until the afternoon, so if you get to a bar around 1, you won’t have missed that much and you’ll only be missing four hours of work. The usual missing-work excuses can usually be applied for, but I think it’s best to go the straight route when telling your boss you’re leaving: “I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is MORE BASKETBALL!”
• For some of you, that might not be an option. You have to be at your desk. Never fear! There are plenty of ways to watch the Tourney at work. Now, I know some companies have restrictive firewalls that don’t let you visit anything but Official Corporate Sites™. There are ways around that. The blog Boing Boing was recently blocked by some filtering software, and they’ve set up a way to get around these blocks. If you can’t get any of that to work, try bribing your IT guy. If bribing doesn’t work, try this: “Hey, Gary, I heard Bob say that Windows ME was the greatest, bug-free operating system of all time.” While Gary spends the next two hours beating Bob over the head with a keyboard, sneak into his desk and disable the firewall. I assume there’s some sort of button for that, right? (Note: This only works if your IT guys are named Gary and Bob.)
• That being said, this year you can actually watch the tournament on your computer. The NCAA has set up the free March Madness on Demand, a video player that will stream all the games online. This is free. And, unlike a lot of Internet video sites, it works on Firefox on Mac. I know; I’m shocked, too. If you’ve already signed up, you’re a “VIP” and you don’t have to wait (apparently), but you will have to wait in a “line” if you’re just registering now. But, I mean, come on, that’s a small price to pay.
• If you’re tired of waiting in line, don’t have video capabilities, &c., you can simply follow the scores online. (Don’t yell, “GO BUCKNELL!” too loud in your cubicle.) There are tons of sites that stream real-time scores, stats, even play-by-play. Here are some links to scoreboards:
  • Yahoo! Sports
  • CBS Sportsline
  • CSTV
  • SI.com
  • For general hoops madness, check out The Mid-Majority, the best college basketball site on the web. TMM also features the Adam Morrison Rating, that shows how well other players in the nation would do if given the number of shots the Gonzaga star gets. Maybe this will make him shave his mustache. (Disclosure: The founder of TMM once bought me drinks.) Other fantastic sites are Ken Pomeroy’s, yocohoops.com and Big Ten Wonk. And, you know, if you’re really abitious, go read Basketball U.’s Ivy League section, which is such a good site it’s employed me for the past two years.

So there you have it. It all kicks off at 12:20 p.m. EST when Seton Hall takes on Wichita State. (The latter will win.) May the ball bounce the right way for your alma mater and may your bracket be perfect, but not as perfect as mine.