But what about dog on dog marriage?

As we all know, this weekend was the Chinese New Year, which means we’ve ushered in the Year of the Dog. Indeed! With all the hit books about dogs and the cuteness parade that’s sweeping the country, it seems a perfect fit.

Now, as you all know, I love puppies. Puppies! They’re very cute. But I’ve never even owned a dog, nor do I think I’ll be able to afford one any day now. And I’m certainly not looking to marry a dog anytime soon. But legislators in Pennsylvania think I might be.

Yes, folks, it’s the Pennsylvania Marriage Protection Act, from here on out known as the PIMP Act. The PIMP Act would amend the constitution and define marriage as simply for a man and a woman. A lawmaker from Cochranville, Chester County — Rep. Arthur D. Hershey — thinks that this is a necessary bill and that “down the road, people will want to marry their dogs and horses to get benefits.”

In case you’re wondering, “People will want to marry their dogs” is the new slang for “I hate gay people.” (Thanks, Rick Santorum!) Apparently, there’s this old book called The Bible that lays it out for everyone, although most people ignore the “don’t be an asshole” parts.

No matter, though, Rep. Hershey is simply trying to protect us from all those people set to marry their horses or dogs and getting benefits! He’s trying to save us money, people! I mean, who else but a high school graduate whose profession is a “Farmer-Legislator” to tell us what to do! Yaaaay PIMP Act!

Anyway, I have it on good authority that Arthur C. Hershey actually changed his last name to reflect his love of… oh, you know where I’m going with this. Oh, Arthur C. Hershey, you stupid, bigoted fuck. (Now that’s journalism!)

5 county lawmakers co-sponsor marriage bill [West Chester Daily Local via My Sediments Exactly]
Arthur D. Hershey (Republican) [PA House]
Photo by jsmjr