Untrue Fact About Benjamin Franklin No. 7

Today’s Untrue Fact about Benjamin Franklin:

• 7. Benjamin Franklin never learned how to love.

Happy 300th birthday, Ben! From now until Jan. 17, we’re counting up from 1 to whenever we get tired of it with a list of untrue facts concerning one Benjamin Franklin, founding father and the greatest SEPTA conductor this city’s ever had.

The information in “Untrue Facts About Benjamin Franklin” is culled from all sources except the three books this city will be (allegedly) reading as part of “One Book, One Philadelphia.” The first entry in the series is here.

Deerly beloved (if you’re a Pa. resident)

Philadelphia, like most of Pennsylvania, is overrun by deer. (Not quite as much — pollution’ll do that — but for growing up in a city, I saw a fair amount of deer.) When I was little, a deer ran right down Academy Road and put a dent in Archbishop Ryan High School’s fence that was there until they put up a new one years later.

But, of course, Philadelphians aren’t quite the hunters the rest of the state is, and a release from the Pennsylvania Game Commission I received today taught me a lot. Not that the release has to do with hunting, but, you know, it dealt with things I had never thought of: Did you know if you hit a deer you can claim the carcas? (You just need to make a phone call.) And if you don’t want it, another Pennsylvania resident (and only a Pennsylvania resident) can claim the dead deer.

Presumably, you can claim any old random dead deer on the side of the highway, too. As long as you live in Pennsylvania. And call the Game Commission within 24 hours. (But you can’t keep the antlers; they have to be turned in to the Game Commission.)

I’ve never hunted. I would never take a deer home if I hit it. But I must say that this is fucking awesome. It’s like Pennsylvania summed up in one little anecdote.

This quote from Wildlife Conservation Officer Jerrold W. Czech Jr. also sums Pennsylvania up pretty well, too: “It’s also a shame to see whitetails killed on highways in the weeks before our biggest deer seasons.”

Full release after the jump. It came via fax and I scanned it in, so if there are any typos, it’s the optical character recognition’s fault, not mine.

More »

More like donut seized (rimshot)

An ad from today’s Metro:

Can we zoom in a little there?

I wonder how many cars Tubby here repossessed himself.

Update: Further investigation has revealed — I think — that this officer has no legs. In that case, I apologize for making fun.

Also, I’m five years old

From the front page of Yahoo!:

I’m not sure how this is dirty, but it definitely is.

Yahoo!

Introducing “Psychoanalyzing Stephen A. Smith”

Welcome to the first-ever edition of Psychoanalyzing Stephen A. Smith! This feature will run whenever Stephen A. writes a column we’re just utterly baffled by.

Sometimes Stephen A. is a little confusing, and I’ll be going behind his words to find out just what he’s really trying to say. Is this really psychoanalysis? Beats me; it was just the first word that came into my mind.

A little background on Stephen A. Smith: Known by the derisive knickname “Screamin’ A,” the little mouth that could began as an Inquirer columnist before doing some guest work on television spots, notably on Comcast SportsNet during the 76ers’ run to the finals in 2001.

Eventually, he became ubiqutous on ESPN, and now hosts his own low rated show, Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith. Now he writes only about two Inky columns a week, which he sometimes composes on a Blackberry. No, really.

Oh, and in 2003 Philadelphia Magazine named him Best of Philly™ for sportswriting.

Done laughing at that last fact? Okay, let’s move on. After the jump, this week’s psychoanalysis of Stephen A.

More »

Link Dump: No more Larry Bowa on Baseball Tonight!

• Bowa officially Yankees third-base coach; Jeter already thrown out at home plate. [ESPN.com Wire]

• Tom Maslund, who shared a Pulitzer at the Inky in 1980 for coverage of the Three Mile Island disaster, died yesterday in a car accident. He was 55. [Inky]

• The Onion has a scoop on Laura Bush in response to the White House telling the paper to stop using the Presidential Seal. [The Onion]

• A recap of the Project H.O.M.E. event. “Online luminaries,” indeed. [Philly Future]

Some news to report: no news!

And, somewhere in Philadelphia, Will Bunch is sitting at a table with Duncan Black, crying a single tear.

Sources: Rove won’t be indicted today [AP via Philly.com]

Yeah, and what about Vernon Odom!

I think it’s a good sign when politicians join the political debate online. I think it’s even better when they write shit like this:

There is a not-so-subtle message being sent in response to the Mayor’s infamous “the brothers and sisters are in charge” comment. The message is that you are not in charge - because as “judge, jury, and executioner”, we hold all moral authority. And at any point, we can destroy you - or at least, we can destroy your credibility.

For those who didn’t understand Rick Mariano’s comment last Thursday about his lack of pigmentation being part of his problem - he was probably saying that he feels like he’s been politically targeted as a “n*gg*r-lover” who shouldn’t be aligned with a Black mayor.

Councilman W. Wilson Goode, Jr., everyone!

Fear of God, TRUTH and Racial Politics [Young Philly Politics]

SEPTA ads, now with truth

The only thing better than a SEPTA ad is a SEPTA ad that’s been defaced by a disgruntled rider.

After the jump, the same sign, with more rider commentary.

More »

Teachers’ strike doesn’t save nerds from ridicule

While we’re preparing for a SEPTA strike down here in Philly, high school kids up in Pennsbury are dealing with a teachers’ strike.

And how are they spending their time?

While their classmates were at parties and tailgates, a group of students crammed into the Yardley Makefield Library on Thursday to study European history.

As teachers rallied on the picket line, the teens studied for the advanced placement class “Absolutism and Constitutionalism in European History.”

Oh, man, high school memories: drinking beer in the woods, hanging out in peoples’ basements — and heading to the library to study for “Absolutism and Constitutionalism in European History.”

Strike doesn’t change European history [BCCT]