Breaking: Website has content

From a press release I just got from the Pennsylvania House Democratic Caucus:

As Apple Computers recently announced the release of the new video iPod, the Pennsylvania House Democratic Caucus now offers exclusive media content via the Internet.

Which brings me to my new slogan: As Shakespeare once wrote Hamlet, Daniel McQuade now writes Philadelphia Will Do.

House Democratic Caucus announces the release of exclusive media content via the Web [PAhouse.net]

Blogicized: Speedy delivery

• Democracy for America is holding a puppet show and meeting in Philly. I hope it’s those Mr. Rogers puppets; they were awesome. [PhillyBlog]

• Oh snap, a pro-SEPTA union rally is taking place Wednesday. With virtually no PT available, what we surely need is more people blocking the streets. [Young Philly Politics]

• Finally, a comic that rivals The Lockhorns in quality. [Phillyist]

• Finally, the greatest headline in the history of the world. [The 700 Level]

Straight edge beer blasts

An article in today’s Bucks County Courier Times details Delaware Valley College’s attempts to curtail underage drinking on campus.

It seems like DelVal is pretty levelheaded about it. You know, they’re just trying to keep the kids out of the hospital. Sounds good to me. But I have a hard time believing this quote:

And, for the first time, this year’s homecoming - and the accompanying tailgating parties - were alcohol free. “It was the best homecoming ever,” said Arrison.

“And that kegger with Odoul’s? Totally radical!”

College gets ‘proactive’ when dealing with underage drinking [BCCT]

The movie’s subtitle will be “Stallone Needs Money”

Oh, are you psyched for Rocky VI? Well, there’s another reason to get excited: our buddy Sly Stallone will not only be starring in the sixth Rocky, but he’ll be donning the fatigues for Rambo IV, too.

Reuters has the plot synopsis:

“Rambo IV” centers on former Vietnam vet John Rambo, who is living a reclusive life back home in the U.S. But when a girl goes missing, he is forced to abandon his quiet lifestyle and take justice into his own hands.

Let’s see: Rocky VI. Rambo IV. Sources tell me that in a few weeks Sly will be announcing his plans for Judge Dredd II: This Time, It’s Personal.

Stallone back in combat for fourth ‘Rambo’ [Reuters via Best Week Ever Blog]

Medical masturbation

As part of a continuing effort to be as vulgar as possible today, I bring you the tale of the New Jersey mother arrested for allegedly running a brothel.

Meryl James is a 50-year-old single mother of three living in (where else) Princeton. She’s also a minister. Who knew?

She offers Swedish massage and spiritual therapy, and is due to appear in court tomorrow on charges that she masturbated or performed oral sex on her clients for 100 bucks a pop. Which means that, if true, not only is she an old hooker, she’s an old, expensive hooker.

KYW 3 interviewed her friday, but since nobody watches Channel 3 I wasn’t aware of this until today:

James claims she did not enjoy it, but masturbated two of her clients for medical purposes.

“It’s kind of distasteful to me and I only did it like once or twice and I had to wear the glove and everything,” she said. “I did that I just said I didn’t want to do that anymore.”

And I had to wear the glove and everything! Funny, that’s what my ex-girlfriend said.*

NJ Mom Accused Of Running Brothel Speaks Out [KYW 3]

*Editor’s Note: I’m not quite sure what this joke means. Or if it’s even a joke.

Some financial advice

From the Inquirer’s Daniel Rubin:

We hosted a group of bloggers at the Inquirer last week. They pulled no punches in criticizing the paper, both at the session, afterward in emails.

The Inquirer asking Philly bloggers how to fix their paper? I’d advise you to short sell Knight-Ridder stock immediately.

The Inky’s Future: A call for conversation [Blinq]

Memos are hip and cool again

So I totally blanked last week — or maybe the past two weeks? — and didn’t post the memo. And so I saw that Romenesko’s going all crazy and linking to blogs and had linked to the memo on another site, so clearly I missed my chance at hot hot Jim Romenesko linking action. Alas.

To correct these ills, here’s the latest figures:

INQUIRER:

50 Applications
46 Applications Approved
4 Applications Pending

DAILY NEWS:
25 Applications
15 Applications Approved
10 Applications Pending

Full memo after the jump. A tip of the hat to VisualEditors.com because they had already fixed the stupid returns I usually have to take out by hand.

More »

Untrue Facts About Benjamin Franklin Nos. 8-11

Oh, we got a backlog today. And, surprisingly, I’m not really all that bored of this joke yet. I know, I know — or, rather, “know, I know” — I’m shocked myself.

• 8. Benjamin Franklin invented the cheeseburger.
• 9. Benjamin Franklin wrote the original screenplay for Doom.
• 10. Benjamin Franklin was one of only a few men to win both the WWF and WCW Championships.
• 11. Benjamin Franklin not only invented the Jersey Devil story, he enjoyed devouring livestock.

Happy 300th birthday, Ben! From now until Jan. 17, we’re counting up from 1 to whenever we get tired of it with a list of untrue facts concerning one Benjamin Franklin, founding father and the greatest UNION SEPTA conductor this city’s ever had.

The information in “Untrue Facts About Benjamin Franklin” is culled from all sources except the three books this city will be (allegedly) reading as part of “One Book, One Philadelphia.” The first entry in the series is here.

From the bottom of my cheatin’ heart

There’s a new website called Don’t Date Him Girl, which advises girls which men are cheaters. You simply submit the details of your cheatin’ man, and then the world can see which men cheat on women.

Or, you know, which people on earth are men. (Ba-ZING!)

When a friend of mine sent me this link, he said, “Girls can track us now,” which really only applies if you have somebody to cheat with — or, you know, have somebody to cheat on — but, hey, I gotta put this stuff out there as a public service announcement.

Where was I? Oh, right: (alleged) cheaters in Philadelphia. There are currently three, one of whom is Flyers defenseman Derian Hatcher.

The site reads:

know, I know…..all hockey players cheat! This one has been cheating on his wife for over ten years with one girl as well as several others while on the road! He now resides in Philidelphia, PA during the hockey season and Sterling Heights, MI in the offer season.
His cheating of course happens all over the U.S. and Canada while he is on the road!

Oh, totally, guys with four teeth always get the babes.

Editor’s Note: Clearly, this is false. As if a Philadelphia athlete would actually live in Philadelphia.

Derian Hatcher [Don't Date Him Girl]
Player Profile: Derian Hatcher [PhiladelphiaFlyers.com]

We’re getting there, on foot

Young Philly Politics, who we last looked in on as the place where Councilman Goode wrote about Rick Mariano’s lack of pigmentation, interviewed Bob Bedard, a communications worker for the Transit Workers’ Union.

He, obviously, thinks Philadelphians should support the SEPTA strike. And why?

I think fair people will support a strike if SEPTA breaks their deal with union employees. Health care is an issue on everybody’s mind. Fair people will support the health care fight just as fair people supported Rosa Parks’ fight for her rights in Montgomery.

Fair people will also go tell this particular union worker to go fuck himself.

Interview with SEPTA Workers About Contract Negotiations [YPP]
Oct 28: Yeah, and what about Vernon Odom!