Byko-out

Oh, Lordy, Lordy, thank you that Byko is not taking the buyout so we can continue to read such important topics like this.

And no, we didn’t read the column.

You’ve got male [DN]

Bad? What bad?

Ouch, Johnny. Ouch.

Good and bad in playing D-Mac [DN]

Why the city papers should stick to the city

We know the Daily News is going to be the crime and sports paper after the 25 firings — goodbye, features! — but perhaps they should stick with crime in, you know, the city. And, also, we know the Inquirer wants those oh-so-rich Narberth readers, but there are other suburbs, too.

A comparison:

Philadelphia Daily News:

The identities of the two Newtown Borough officers were not released last night. The dead officer was 46 and was shot in the head. The wounded officer is 31 and suffered a gunshot wound to the chest.

Philadelphia Inquirer:

Suddenly, he took one of the officers’ guns and began shooting, police said. The volley wounded a 46-year-old officer in the head, and a second officer, age 31, in the chest. A technician was also hit. None of their names was released.

Bucks County Courier Times:

Police said drunken-driving suspect Robert Anthony Flor shot and killed Newtown officer Brian Steven Gregg of Middletown and wounded fellow officer James Joseph Warunek of Fairless Hills and an unidentified hospital worker.

Note: Yes, we’re guessing that the Courier just updated its story in the morning. But, hey, there’s no reason to let facts in the way of an easy joke.

Northeast Philly: Not near Temple

Hey, 34th Street! You know I love you, right? Good. So please take this to heart.

Northeast Philly doesn’t start until way north of Broad Street and Cecil B. Moore Avenue. Even Penn kids are smarter than this, okay?

Welcome to the ‘Illadelph [34ST]

Philly Blogicized: Beanie is back

• The Man: Always tryin’ to keep Beanie Sigel down. Another Beanie trial begins Monday. [Beanie Blog]

• Young, snarky writer writes for New York Times; other young, snarky writers respond with snark. [Gawker]

• Will Bunch promised us a “baseball conspiracy theory,” though I don’t know why baseball would conspire to get the Padres in the playoffs. Seriously, I’ve met like one Padres fan in my life — Hi Ilana! — do they have any others? [Attytood]

• Dear Ashley Smith: We can do crystal meth together any time you want. [Blinq]

Breaking: Aging hippies in birkenstocks left powerless today

From XPN:

Shortly after 2pm today a power outage occurred in the Roxborough area of Philadelphia, causing our transmitter to lose power. The power company is working on the problem.

Thanks for your patience as we work to get back on the air!

Geeze, on the drive home some people are going to have to listen to NPR. Somewhere, Terry Gross is smiling.

Listen Live! [XPN]

I need a pick-me-up

So like tons of you (read: three) IM’d me after reading my last post and asked for the full list of Lingo for PUAs, or “pick-up artists.”

There are two options here, really:

1. This lingo is all made-up bullshit.
2. Pick-up artists never pick-up women, since nobody who uses these terms could ever actually have sex with a woman.

Take your pick, you sarges.

Also, “sarge” means “to pick up women.” I call bullshit.

Today’s Metro has a little interview with Neil Strauss, the Rolling Stone reporter whose new book is about his two years infiltrating a secret society of pick-up artists. Apparently, this is a non-fiction book, though the slang in this sidebar to this interview — AFC is apparently slang for “average frustrated chump,” a guy who can’t get laid — reminds me too much of the whole New York Times “Great Grunge Hoax” debacle to be real.

Anyway, reporter Dorothy Robinson interviews the now smooth-as-silk pickup artist Strauss, and the following end their exchange with this:

Jesus, you two, get a room.

U.S. Editions [Metro]

The Phillies: it’s over, but hey, free paint

Last night’s viewing for the Philadelphia Phillies was like a good Irish wake: lots of drinking, lots of heckling and a good old fashion stomping of those Flushing boys.

The stadium was more positive than I really expected it to be, with the fans all seeming resigned to the Phillies missing the playoffs for the 12th straight year. Jimmy Rollins hit in his 33rd straight game, which is good, but it’s too bad he was pretty horrid until the last month of the season. But, hey, 33 games in a row.

Bobby got his 100th RBI and Chase Utley got his 100th, too, although the scoreboard put up a big sign that said “Congratulations on your first 101 RBI season, Chase!”

It was fan appreciation night, which meant lots of giveaways, such as a year’s supply of Skippy peanut butter, a year’s supply of Big Macs, a year’s supply of Happy Meals and a year’s supply of Turkey Hill ice cream.

The best giveaways, of course, were the chance to dance with the Phanatic during the fifth inning, won by a man with less rhythm than a Republican, and a $250 gift certificate to MAB Paints, which, by my rough estimate, could get you about 13 cans of paint, if paint is $20 a can (including tax) and the MAB people are running a buy 12, get 1 half off sale.

By the end, it was all about heckling the Mets’ relievers, including one Tim Hamulack, who threw exactly five warm up pitches before coming in and giving up 5 runs in two-thirds of an inning.

All in all, a good end to the season. In some ways I just think the Phillies could have appreciated their fans more by making the playoffs. Or at least giving out a little more free paint.

Phillies 16, Mets 6 [AP via Yahoo!]

The Weekly Press, bastion of journalism

You know, sometimes I forget that The Weekly Press actually exists, since I’m busy reading more important publications, like Lucky, The Magazine About Shopping. But this week, contributing editor Donald True Van Deusen — which sounds faker than Faye Flam — waxes esoteric about the newspaper industry.

He also takes a shot at the label that pays me:

The highly successful, widely circulated, free weekly newspapers that are run by and for youth continue to pour forth scatological terminology in headlines and body copy as if that made them funny, brave, or honest. Is that what we can expect from tomorrow’s newspapers?

Hey, Donald, reading an article by you is like eating shit.

Newspaper obits [Weekly Press]