Week in Rock

• Bill Cosby responsible for PNI buyouts; speaking of buyouts, and by buyouts we mean layoffs, we came up with some ways to save some careers.

• Professional pick-up artists don’t get girls.

• Apparently, PW is all about the shit.

• Northeast Philly: big Bushers and Republican Apprentice candidates.

• Middletown police were busy doing the oh-so-important job of taking down unfunny drug humor from the public eye this week.

• Burger King of Bling?

• Finally, Herb Denenberg answers questions about the rectum.

We’ll be back Sunday with Eagles stuff. Be safe this weekend.

Link Dump: Emptying the notebook

Like a beat guy for the Phillies during a rainout at the Vet, I’m emptying my notebook. It’s the end of the week!

• An interview with Matthew Lesko, aka the guy with question marks on his suit. Also includes the phrase “governmental rape” and an admission by Lesko that he shouldn’t have a job. [Black Table]

• This is the darkest day in my Friendster history since one of my exes registered a profile just so should coulds send it to me with “In a relationship” checked off. If I remember my password, I’ll check out my zero views. [Gawker]

• Get this: the Inquirer broke the Judy Miller-is-free story. [CJR]

Okay, my notebook is small.

Lil’ Kim blogs, immediately hired by Inquirer

Yeah, yeah, we know that this has been covered lots of places today. But I must report: Lil’ Kim has a blog — “A Year and a Day” — and she’s going to be updating the general public on her stay at the Federal Detention Center at 7th and Arch.

Frankly, we don’t get why they just don’t let her out into the world. Haven’t the people in the government heard how important citizen journalists are? Haven’t they heard how cool, how influential, how groundbreaking blogging is? We here at Philadelphia Will Do demand that Lil’ Kim be freed from jail so she can update her blog more often. Frankly, even a statement a week isn’t enough. If citizen journalist Lil’ Kim isn’t able to blog unemcumbered, how can we take anything in the prison system seriously?

From what Kim has said so far, though, she’s doing okay in our fair city, limited blogging opportunities notwithstanding:

Of course, I wish I could be out to celebrate the release of my new album this week, The Naked Truth but instead, I am looking to take advantage of this time to work on my personal development. Thank you to all for your continued support. (Emphasis Kim’s.)

One of the comments to her post is: “JESUS CHRIST was in prison and he kept his head up.” Word. Her lawyer also comments in her post:

I was amazed at just how good Kim looked on my two visits to see her in prison last week. Even in a jumpsuit, Kim still has the style and swagger of a star.

Not guilty, y’all got to feel me.

Lil’ Kim’s first statement from lockdown [A Year and a Day]
A Year and a Day

QUESADILLA ANGUISH AT TEMPLE

An editorial from the Temple News:

The Rite Aid on Broad and Susquhanna streets is a haven for employee rudeness. Many times when customers bring items to the checkout counter, the cashier - deadpanned and disinterested - will not say how much is owed, but expects the customer to read it on the register screen while impatiently waiting for the money. How is the customer supposed to know the bill if the cashier doesn’t say it? Similar occurrences were no stranger to the Rite Aid’s next door neighbor, the recently demolished McDonald’s (I wonder why).

Great deception has been taking place at the Freshens Smoothie Company in the university’s Student Center. The employees get a tremendous kick out of leading their customers to believe that they’ve included the protein booster into the drinks when, in reality, they’ve done no such thing. Perhaps there is no better time to see customer service at its worst than during the fourth meal hours at the Student Center. Many students have experienced the anguish of ordering quesadillas at Taco Bell, just to be told by an employee that the quesadilla machine is broken, while a co-worker can be seen surreptitiously eating one in the back.

First off, I’d like to offer to the editors of the Temple News: I will gladly pay your $100 fee for a Pulitzer application to submit this in the commentary category, as long as you pay me back when you win.

I love the singular in the staff editorial. I love the anguish while ordering quesadillas. I love the tone when referring to the workers at the Rite Aid. And, mainly, I love that Temple kids are “told by an employee that the quesadilla machine is broken, while a co-worker can be seen surreptitiously eating one in the back.”

Out of service [Temple News]

The story so nice, they ran it twice

Here’s a comparison of two different stories in the Daily News today (click to enlarge):

And, up close, in the regular Daily News:

And in the Eagles’ playbook pullout in today’s DN:

Hmmmmm…

All work and no prey / Pulling out stops [DN, neither version online]

The list: PNI expendables

I can’t believe I got this. Somebody sent me a list of just who’s going to be laid off if the Inquirer and Daily News don’t get their 100 buyouts and/or they don’t start churning along at a higher than low-ish double-digit profit margin.

This is (allegedly) straight from the desk of Joe Natoli. I am just the messenger. Please don’t shoot me or blame me if you are on this list.

Gulp.

More »

Everything is McNabbulated

I still can’t get into the Philly.com chats, since, you know, they use some sort of Java program powered by BASIC and hamsters and some of us have computers that don’t support that.

But John from Phillyist checked in with information on today’s ongoing chat:

i just went into the phillytalk chats for phil sheridan and i saw that Carrie Rickey - or more likely, someone parading as Carrie Rickey - was there and asked, “Carrie, should the Eagles see ‘Everything Is Illuminated’ this weekend?

he answered, “I’ll have to field that one. I think they’d be better off seeing Serenity.”

i followed-up his answer by asking him if he didn’t like eugene hutz in ‘illuminated’ and he said that he thinks they’re better off seeing an action movie than a holocaust movie

People then, apparently, moved on to serious questions, ruining the chat. Way to control your chat, award-winning headline writer Peter Mucha.

And boy are my arms tired!

Oh, Temple kids:

Kate Moss gave me a beautiful public apology for getting busted on major snow bunny behavior - I haven’t seen lines that long since Star Wars was in theaters.

Lindsay Lohan did her part to make me feel special on my special day of specialness - by dying her hair back to signature red and packing some weight on in the bra. Missed you, Linds!

This is like the fake Jackie Harvey column on The Onion, only less intentionally funny and less unintentionally funny. Those kids on N. Broad sure know how to do their one-liners.

Dirt: Birthday edition! [Temple News]

Great moments in advertising

Oh, I’ll pick up a new Dodge right away, then.

Watch out, Penn football team

A friend forwarded this along yesterday, and we must say the Penn football team sure is going to have some trouble stopping this man’s ground game:

As Brown senior running back Nick Hartigan prepares for the Ivy League season opener at Harvard, he has become an amazing candidate — for both the Walter Payton Award and a Rhodes Scholarship.

When all is said and done in his career, if you multiple Hartigan’s rushing yards by his grade-point average, the result might well be the highest number of all-time. (Obviously, this is not a statistic that anyone has — or will — ever produce.)

As my friend said, “I guess he plans to rush for infinity yards the rest of the season.”

Quite the candidate [Ivy League Sports]