Hurricanes are sad

So, like, a lot of people died and a ton of people are left homeless ’cause of this whole Hurricane Katrina fiasco, so if you can give money to the Red Cross or any other relief group, please do.

Link dump: “Have you ever been decapitated?”

• A list of poll questions that may one day appear on the Internet. [McSweeney's]

• Like it when Tony Soprano says fuck? Well, too bad, if certain politicians have their way, cable will be just as boring as network television. God bless the Internet. [Salon]

• Apparently, Democrats are the new Republicans, in that they’re the party of “individual freedoms.” This strikes me as odd, ’cause I thought that Republicans were the more Libertarian-type. Oh, wait, that’s only in fantasy land where everyone has views based on their beliefs and nobody sells out for votes. Whoops! [MyDD]

• Blogs bash mainstream media, get excited when they get mentioned in mainstream media. Film at 11. [PhillyFuture via Pstupidonymous]

At last, the local angle

Let’s do a little comparison of the major cable news’ stations Web sites:

OK, we get it: the networks want people to do their jobs for them. Aside from loathing the term “citizen journalist” — as if, say, me or Fox News’ anchors do so great a job that they need to be separated from the unwashed masses — it’s actually probably a good thing. The people who want their stories on TV will get it out there perhaps, there’s more information, etc., etc. It seems lazy, but I understand it.

NBC10, however, is looking to do the same: but from a local perspective.

Shit, I need to cut my hair, put on a suit and get my gas price horror story ready.

Greatest of all time

I must apologize for missing the greatest news story of the week earlier today. You know, opening day jitters and all.

Indeed, two trucks collided earlier today, sending goats flying — at least in my imagination of this event — all over the Pennsylvania Turnpike and closing down all but one lane around the Ft. Washington area.

Leave it to NBC10 to be all over this story.

Update: The traffic and school closings station (KYW 1060) has further details in its comprehensive goat crash accident report:

A double-decker livestock trailer was rear-ended by another tractor trailer heading Eastbound on the Pennsylvania Turnpike early Tuesday morning. Dozens of animals were killed. No humans were injured.

The impact caused the upper deck of the livestock trailer to collapse onto the lower deck, killing dozens of sheep and goats.

You know how all the anchors are saying that Hurricane Katrina is “our tsunami”? Am I wrong to say that this is our Hurricane Katrina?

Goats cause traffic jam on Pa. turnpike [NBC10]
Turnpike Accident Seriously Delays Tuesday Morning Commute [KYW1060]
Earlier: Goats at Live 8 [Flickr]

Another good place to play, ruined

It seems Bucks County has changed a lot since I was a 17-year-old spending my nights at the Suburban Diner and ratting around the Neshaminy Mall.

It seems that there’s been a bit of a crime nuisance recently in the Lower Bucks area, and we’re just plain upset that the county just north of the city has gone south so quickly.

Some of the crimes just in this last week, courtesy of the Lower Bucks crime log in the Bucks County Courier Times:

900 block Wood Rd., Oakford, 11:50 p.m., 2 eggs thrown at residence.

Cypress Ln., overnight, Fri, vehicle egged.

Mallard Rd. and Nancy Ln., Feasterville, 2:45 a.m., Sat, white vehicle seen knocking over trash cans, 2 cans found turned over on side.

Blockbuster Video, W. Trenton Ave., 2:30 p.m., Sun, 3 DVDs of “Million Dollar Baby,” $45 value.

Playground, Brookside development, Sat, plastic playhouses smashed, numerous beer bottles, several empty cigarette packs scattered about property.

It’s a crime wave! People are having hazy Million Dollar Baby viewing-induced rages of egging cars and houses, knocking over trashcans and drinking in playgrounds!

I’m glad I live in Center City now, where it’s safe, frankly.

Public Safety Log [BCCT]

We’re all gonna die!

Man, things are pretty rough these days. There’s a giant hurricane that, while it didn’t hit quite as hard as everyone thought it was going to, still killed a bunch of people and caused a ton of damage. And, if you didn’t remember, there’s a war going on and people are dying during that.

And people die in car accidents and shootings and of diseases, like cancer. Oh, yeah, cancer. The Associated Press came through with a happy story about a study that tied being a redhead with getting cancer.

More news: for redheads, there’s a greater chance of sunburn, and a greater chance of cancer even if you don’t burn. And, the kicker: blondes “harbor some of the same pigment as redheads.”

Light skin, blondes, redheads, eh? Ireland is fucked.

Research details cancer risk for redheads [AP via Y! News]

Katrina? You’re punny.

Hey, just because everybody else knows it’s an obvious, way-too-easy pun doesn’t mean we can’t do it, too, right?

That’s apparently the thinking of newspaper writers and editors, who are looking for their chance at a 2005 SPJ Headline Award or possibly just throwing down the first thing that comes to them. (We’re thinking a little from column A, a little from column B.)

Indeed, when Blinq and Attytood are using the same pun, you know we’ve hit critical mass.

At quarter to 10, Google News shows 40 matches for “Katrina and the Waves” references in hurricane stories. (Note: This doesn’t include the “A wave of worries” headline on the cover of the business section of the Inquirer today.) We’ll update this as that number rises. See, this is the kind of rising toll after a hurricane that isn’t sad or morbid!

Katrina and the waves: We’re going down to Washington to do nothing [Attytood]
Katrina and the Waves [Blinq]
Search: “Katrina and the Waves” [Google News]

We’ve already covered this, haven’t we?

Look, we know it’s a slow local news week — it is August, and if hurricanes aren’t crashing into your shores there’s not much going on — but there’s no need to report things that have already been mentioned in your own newspaper.

Today’s Mark Alan Hughes column? Well, just read the headline:

Mark Alan Hughes | THE END OF GRASS AS WE KNOW IT

Well, of course. They busted that pot delivery service last Friday.

Mark Alan Hughes: The end of grass as we know it [DN]
12 nailed as feds reach for grass ring [DN]

Take my wife, please

Today’s Daily News contains this gem of a correction:

A July 19 John Baer column mistakenly reported that the wife of state Rep. W. Curtis Thomas accompanied him on a recent China trade trip. Mr. Thomas is not married. A travel list provided to the Daily News by an official of the House Speaker’s office contained inaccurate information.

This is done in the typical newspaper correction style: “It’s not our fault! We were given inaccurate information!” That’s par for the course, and for something like this, it’s certainly not a big deal. (And, hey, they avoided the whole “clarification” thing at least.)

What’s really confusing is that the DN asked somebody in the person in the office of the House Speaker — that’s John Perzel, for those keeping score at home — who was there, and got the reply that one of the people was W. Curtis Thomas’ wife, a person who doesn’t exist.

Or maybe Mr. Thomas is just another guy afraid of commitment.

Correction: 8.30.05 [DN]

Souled out

When it launched in 1995, the defunct online culture mag Suck debuted with a manifesto of sorts. “At Suck,” it concluded, “we abide by the principle which dictates that somebody will always position himself or herself to systematically harvest anything of value in this world for the sake of money, power and/or ego-fulfillment. We aim to be that somebody.”

In short: We’re going to sell out. We can’t wait to sell out.

The Web is a lot different than it was in 1995. There’s Google and blogs and spam and pop-up banner ads and cookies and all these things there wasn’t really much, if any, of 10 years ago. While most of the aspects of the Web have been mixed blessings, at best, there is now money to be made from the Internet for the average person, something almost unheard of back then.

I’ll keep this short: I don’t need to hope. I am that somebody.

That’s right: I’ve already sold out. If you’ve been here before, you know that this was my personal blog, with its heart-centric design, its essays on ex-girlfriends and college and, occassionally, the horrors of Carmen Sandiego erotic fiction.

Now, reborn, exactly a year after I began this whole blog shindig, Philadelphia Will Do is live again, with ads and financial backing and exactly zero hearts in the logo.

I’ll repeat: I’ve sold out. Philadelphia Weekly’s paying the bills now.

This doesn’t mean much to you, except the site’s going to have a slightly different focus and a lot more writing on it. (Yes, sometimes it pays to think before you start putting your thoughts on the Web; the countless meetings I’ve sat in the past month have proved to be more than helpful.)

So why do I tell you all this? Transparency. I want Philadelphia Will Do to be a bullshit-free site, or at least a site that recognizes bullshit — including when I’m bullshitting, too. Being entertaining and interesting is my first priority, sure, but I hope to do it in an honest and forthcoming way.

Nobody’s going to be reading my words before they go online. I’m not going to have to clear anything with the top brass here at PW. Am I going to be writing 15 lovey-dovey essays a day about why City Paper is so great? No, of course not: that’d be boring. But, for example, if CP writes something really interesting that I want to comment on, am I going to write about it? Sure.

The great thing about the Internet (and, yes, blogging) is that sites aren’t always in competition with each other. Linking back and forth, praising well-written thoughts and bashing stupid ones, helps everyone out.

That being said, I hope you can appreciate my selling out. I’m always open to criticism, praise, tips, etc. — please e-mail me if you have one of those. And you’ll be able to comment on most every post, too. Except this one, of course, since I don’t want you idiots ruining the first thing I’ve written here.

Yep, you’re right: that sure sounds like bullshit to me, too.